Teenagers.
Sweet Lawd! I feel like that word alone, “teenagers”, was a
whole blog post.
I can’t stop there, though.
See, you usually start out life as a parent, with a newborn
baby. At first you are high on love, and adrenalin does an amazing job of
carrying you through the first little bit of life.
But then, the sleepless nights (unless you are one of the
LUCKY few) start to get to you. You love your baby, but might start to rethink
this whole “MOM” thing. You’re exhausted. You’re a little freaked out. You
wonder if even other moms who have “been there” can understand how you feel. And
mostly, you are afraid to admit it, and talk about it, because you don’t want
it to discount the fact that you do love your baby more fiercely than anything
else in this world. It’s like if you cop to the fact that you want to run away
some days, you are saying you don’t love your baby. It’s overwhelming.
There are days you seriously question if you will make it;
if you will ever get to sleep again, or have quality adult conversation again,
or have alone time with your spouse again, of just get to be “yourself” again. Do
you even know who you are anymore? Mmm. Doubtful. Because the “real you” is lying
underneath a load of laundry full of spit-up-on burp rags and diaper changes
and breastfeeding (remember when you used to look at your breasts in a whole
different way, BEFORE breastfeeding? Yeah. ) , and sleepless nights, and
thoughts of strangling people that made raising a baby look easy. You don’t
like to use swear words, but “Damn them!”
But, somehow, you make it. The sun rises again. Things get
better. You can breathe again. You realize that you aren’t so bad at the mom
thing, even if not perfect.
Then the toddler years set in. Terrible twos? Understatement
of the year. More like Terrible Ones, Twos, and Threes…possibly Fours. You may
have to hide out for a while. Avoid going into public if at all possible. You’ll
have to apologize for things like; your
toddler calling other men, “Daddy”, throwing food across the restaurant, asking
the cashier what happened to all her teeth, telling one of your mommy friends
that their house stinks, for trying to drown the neighbor’s cat…those sort of
things. But again, somehow you survive. Some of your pride is gone, but that really
isn’t so bad…is it?
“Kid years” as I like to call them (the ones between toddler
and teen) are actually pretty darn decent. Don’t get me wrong…if you have a
girl, you will learn the meaning to “drama” and if you have a boy you will
learn the meaning to “wild.” Unless you have one of those perfect kids (trying
my very best not to be sarcastic and judgmental here). Besides the occasional
fight about what clothing to wear and homework and them cleaning their room, it’s
not so bad. I mean, there are definitely rough days that still come along, some
families have more issues during these years than others, but as a rule, it
feels like you are on the downhill slide. You might finally be getting the hang
of parenting.
Then the teen years come. (You realize a cruel joke has been
inserted here). What happened to the downhill slide? Now, thankfully, the two boys in my house that
are teens haven’t pulled any crazy stunts. Parenting clause: I didn’t say they
were perfect, I just said that thus far, nothing too crazy has happened (We’re
all still living, right??). I count my blessing every day for such. For privacy
purposes, I won’t name names, but we were very close and involved in a couple
of teens that DID pull those stunts regularly. It was exhausting, heartbreaking,
and I can tell you…worse than ANY night spent awake during the years of breastfeeding (or making bottles) and changing
diapers. With an infant, you may not sleep, but you know where that baby is.
They are safe in your arms (even if exhausted arms). With a teen that sneaks
out, or is even simply spending the night with a friend or away at camp…you
really don’t know everything that is going on. With technology and internet, I
believe parenting has raised the stress level to a whole new level. How can you
sleep peacefully when you are so worried? Sometimes you wish them back into
that baby stage so you can keep them at arm’s length, then you realize how
insane that is, because you would just have to go through all this again.
You know, I know I was a teen once (my kids would totally
laugh at that statement). I know that at
that age, being trapped in between being a child and an adult, is So hard. It
is so confusing. I think we adults forget how truly awkward and hard it is. You
are pressed to act like an adult…be mature, be responsible…but also follow your
parent’s rules, even if you don’t agree. I really think as parents, we get so
caught up in them being obedient and following OUR rules, that we sometimes
forget the whole point of raising children is to help them grown into
successful adults. It can sometimes turn into more about us showing them who is
boss rather than lovingly trying to show them the way. Having teenagers, I have
realized that parenting has never been harder. They are so close to being “on
their own”, and it is So scary. It is an incredible challenge to find the
balance of guiding them but also letting them find their own way.
As a Christian parent, I want my children to know, honor,
and live for God. But, I can’t force that on them, just like I can’t force any
other belief or way of life onto them. I want them to be happy, but I can’t
choose happiness for them. I want them to be healthy, but that really isn’t in
my hands. I want them to be kind and respectful to others, but again, that’s a
choice they have to make. I want them to
be productive and contributing citizens…what say do I get in that? What say did
my own parents have as I stepped into adulthood? Not a whole lot. Yes, I had
the choice to take the morals and lessons along with me that they had tried to
pass on, but it was up to me if I wanted to do so.
When I think about this: What if I COULD choose one thing
for my child to take into adulthood with them? One thing? My answer is that
they would know and live for God. That’s it. If that is the case, everything
else, I understand will fall into place. I don’t really have dreams of my child
growing up to be a janitor, but what if that’s what he chooses? I don’t have
dreams of my child growing up to marry a spouse that is unfaithful, but what if
that happens? I don’t have any dreams, of my child ever having to deal with a
serious illness, but what if that fear is realized? What if? What if? What if?
There is so so much that I am not in control of. It is so scary having your children grow up
and go out on their own. But you know, it’s also something that makes you
proud, I’d guess. You have poured years of blood, sweat, tears, and hopefully
prayer into that moment, and while it’s nice to see the fruits of that…it
really isn’t necessary.
Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way
he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
This verse says it all. God says that if I
teach my children right, which is to know and honor Him, that they will not
depart from it. If they wander, they will return. I am choosing, this day, to
believe God for that promise. I am laying claim to that offer that God has
freely given. I want to encourage you to do the same. Worrying and living in
fear for our children, do absolutely nothing to help them.
In Mathew 6, we are told NOT to worry. It
won’t add anything to our lives, or our children’s lives. It’s not an easy
thing to trust, but that is where FAITH waltzes in and saves the day.
My season of parenting right now, includes
a toddler, a “kid”, and two teenagers. Of those two teenagers, one just turned
13 and one will be an ADULT in a few months. Honestly, I can’t get through
typing that sentence without tears streaming down my face. I just can’t . I can tell you that although my toddler keeps
me much busier than the rest, so much of my heart and prayer is consumed with
our oldest. He is so close to going out into this world. And I know how nasty
this world can be. I wish I was a
perfect Christian example, and could say I had no fear about the future…but I
would be lying to your face. I do fear. But, more than fear, I have faith. I am
ever so thankful, that God makes good on His promises, and that because of
that, I am able to let my faith outweigh my fear.
1 Thessalonians 5: 17 says “Pray
continually.”
So. That’s what I aim to do. I encourage
you to do the same. Prayer is one of the very few things, a HUGE thing, that we
do have control over. Don’t discount its greatness. Don’t let fear steal the
joy from today. Don’t let fear about being a less-than-perfect parent, steal
the joy of the sweet times spent with your child.
Don’t let fear about your baby, going out
into this great big world, steal your joy that comes from knowing God has great
things planned for your baby…even if your baby is about to be an adult.
Pray for your baby, pray for your child,
pray for your teen, pray for your adult child. Pray continually. God will work
it all out so much better than we ever imagined. Also, He has the power that we very much lack. Thank you, God, for looking out for our jewels J
