Where I talk about the struggle...

Hi.

My name is Katy, and I struggle with materialism. I think.

See, I’ve come a long way in this area, but just when I think I have it pegged, God shows me I need to continue to allow His work in me. Remember Isaiah 64:8? Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

 He is continuing to mold me into the vessel He knows I can become. It requires patience and trust and faith on my part. I’m still working on my part J

Let me tell ya! He has His work cut out for him. BIGTIME.

Before I get too deep, I want you to know that nothing I say is meant to pass judgment or make anyone feel bad about themselves, but please know I plan to be brutally honest here.

You see, I like nice things. I’m not rich. Well, actually, I guess that depends on how you look at it. We can’t afford a Land Rover (my dream vehicle….I know, I know… I already admitted I struggle with materialism). We can’t afford a huge home, or even a kind-of-big home.  We don’t have hundreds of thousands in the bank. But. We have a roof over our head, food to eat, and clothes (cute ones at that) to cover our body. We can send money for field trips at school and go out to eat with friends. So , when I read that 22,000 children die from poverty EVERY DAY, and that almost half of the world lives on $2.50 or less per day, “rich” took on a whole new meaning.  A lot of people would rather turn their eyes and ears away from statistics like these, because if you don’t know, you don’t have to think about them, and you don’t have to act in order to help change the situation.

Besides, who was to be convicted when you are trying to pick out a cute pair of shoes? AMEN??

What can I say? I’m a typical woman. I love to shop. I am an internet shopping queen….because I love finding unique things that not everyone else in this town has. My ultimate downfall is probably shopping for clothes for my kids. They are my pride and joy. I love dressing them up. I mean, I love a compliment on my handbag or shoes, because I was the genius that picked them out…but my kids are where my heart is. So, my biggest weakness lies there. It’s not so much as to “show them off”, but my kids are MY kids. No one else gets the rewards for having them.  I love when they are dressed in a way that represents me, what I like, and who I am.

SWEET LAWD!!!!! Just typing that makes me feel like an idiot, and I am resisting the urge to take that line out. (Insert having to lay down my pride right here). I guess when I think about it, and get honest, maybe when they are dressed cute, I feel like I’m a good parent. I mean, a good parent takes time to buy, pick out, and dress their kids cute, right? It shows they care, right?

MAJOR OUCH.

If this actually gets published on my blog, it will be a true BABY JESUS LYING IN A MANGER MIRACLE. It’s not easy to lay yourself bare.

 BUT. Here is the deal. I serve an amazing, grace-filled, totally capable, and loving God.  2 Corinthians 12:9 says this: But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

So, because of God’s great and everlasting love, I can let you guys in on my weakness, because God’s strength more than makes up for every area I fall short in.

Now, not all of you struggle like I do in this area. But it would be a lie to say that we don’t ALL have struggles. Not only would it be a lie to say we don’t struggle, but it would be denying that God has the grace and the power to cover our iniquities. It would be the same as saying, “We don’t need God or His grace and forgiveness, saying that because we have it all figured out and can handle it on our own.”

And while I’m talking here, let me be clear…this is far from my only struggle. BUT. I feel quite sure neither I, nor you, can handle me talking about more than one of my struggles at a time. It’s overwhelming to speak the truth and admit how weak we really and truly are.

See, I hear so many say things like, “I’ve worked hard, I deserve this (insert pleasure here).” I have said that myself. Many times. I gawked at a friend that spent $800 on a handbag, but totally excused myself when I spent $100 on one. Of course $100 is a lot less than $800, but really we have no right to judge. Our incomes are different. Our lives are different. Our convictions are different. God has different things planned for each and every one of us. BUT. Here comes some of the brutal honesty… I don’t think for a minute, if Jesus was right here, he would say, “Yes, you are an amazing and hardworking mom…I want you to go and buy that handbag for yourself instead of feeding a family that can’t afford food.”  Whether it’s $100 or $800, I think we are supposed to be responsible with the finances that God has allowed to come into our lives.

When a friend suggested the book, Kisses from Katie, I read it. That book convicted me and grew me like no other book (besides the Bible). In it, she said something like, God didn’t make too many people and not enough resources to go around. She’s so right. It’s that the people that Do have, are not spreading it around enough. That, shamefully, includes me.

I have the book downloaded by Jen Hatmaker, 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess

Y’all. I can’t even open that one to the first page. I’m scared to death of it. I know it’s going to convict me and grow me even more in this area and I’m just not ready for it. I kind of wish I had it in the actual book, instead of downloaded. My reason for that is because once I read Created to be His Helpmeet and it was a great book, but the time came where I needed to read it again. I was kicking and screaming. I didn’t want to read it, I didn’t want to be convicted and I darn sure didn’t want to admit I had some feelings and actions that needed dealing with.

So, I just left it in the floor.

 It taunted me every day, just sitting there, looking up at me, like “You know you need to read me.” Then, before I got a chance, Blake took a poop on it.

 Literally, like, he really took a poop on it. What can I say? It was during the potty training stages. J  So, you see, if I had the Jen Hatmaker book in actual print, I might could get Blake to poop on it. Then, I’d have to throw it away. No conviction for me!!! YAY!

In Matthew 26:11 Jesus says the poor will always be with us.

Like always, Jesus was right J DING DING DING!

The poor WILL always be with us, but that doesn’t mean we don’t do our darnedest to help who we can and change what we can in the few precious moments we have while we are on this earth.

I’m not super sure why today is the day I felt the need to confess and write about this. I guess it’s because lately, Jesus has been whispering to me to “Love Love Love” on people. I love how he is so gentle with me, even though I am so incredibly stubborn. He has revealed to me how incredibly worthless material things are, and how incredibly important His people are.

I’m sure you guys are thinking one of three following things…

1.    Why did I waste my time reading this?

2.    Katy is seriously off in the head. I’ll still smile at her and say Hi when I see her in public, but wow, she is really nuts!

3.    I can relate to this…I don’t love that these feelings are being stirred in me, but I think I can admit that I struggle, too

I guess I just want to say, that as God’s people, we can do more. We can focus less on ourselves. Less on material things. More on people. More on loving them. How willing are you to reach out to someone you wouldn’t normally even give a second look to, and do something kind for them? To throw caution to the wind, and love someone, just for the sake of loving them?

How willing am I to give up my next pair of new shoes, and instead, give the money to a struggling mom? Brutal honesty: I’m not sure, but it’s something I darn sure want to work on. It’s something I want to pray about. It’s something I want. Because I know God wants it for me. I know He knows I’m capable.

I know He is also patient with me. He knows I am just a pile of mushy wet clay. He knows that I know, He isn’t going to force me into a lovely vessel of His design unless I allow Him to. He isn’t a forceful God. He is a good, patient, and loving God. I love that about Him.

Precious Father God, use us for your good. Help us to love like you love. Help us to help one another. Help us to encourage. Help us to not be afraid of showing our weakness, because your strength takes care of us. Amen!

One long post about fitness and the way you treat others concerning their fitness...

     Alright. Fitness…eating right, working out, getting healthier, etc.  Let me start by saying this post is not aimed at people, in general, who care about fitness. I think being fit, is a MOSTLY good thing.

 I have friends that I have watched over the course of the last year, or couple of years, transform themselves through courage, hard work, and dedication. I wholeheartedly applaud them. A few of them, I am so proud of, I even get a bit weepy seeing their “before and after” pictures. The difference between them and the people that have irritated me, is that these friends are inspiring and encouraging to other women. They aren’t catty or tacky or saying or posting things that try to make other women feel beneath them because they haven’t yet taken that step.  

There are also women that have stepped into the fitness world, and though they have become more fit, have drug every bit of the bad attitudes and insecurities that they started with, along with them. I believe there are a few women who truly just have the goal of getting healthier, and they go for it. But it seems like a LOT of women have other insecurities or issues that they can NOT change, so they decide they can at least change the way the eat and work out, so they do. But, oftentimes it becomes an obsession. It becomes something they can be prideful about, something they can use to “one up” other women with.

In Lisa Terkeurst’s book ‘Made to Crave,’ she said something that has stuck with me for a long time. She said that she imagined Jesus looking at us and saying, “I want you to give up the one thing you crave more than me. Then come, follow me.”

Obviously this can cover WAY more things that fitness/health, but that is what I’m writing out, so that is what it applies to.  Maybe it’s being fit that you crave more than God. Maybe it’s food that you crave more than God.

I agree that health should have a place in each of our lives. I agree that God blesses us with one body, and that we should respect it and try and take good care of it. I also believe, without a doubt, he doesn’t want fitness or eating right or exercising or losing weight or getting healthier to be more important to us that HE, alone, is.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

-Matthew 6:25-27

God tells us as plain as day not to worry about our body (Again, yes this verse touches on other things, but I’m staying true to my subject in this particular post). My personal opinion is that that doesn’t mean not to make good choices about our health. It means not to worry, not to obsess, not to let it be our main focus, not to let our desire to “look good” be more important than our family, our friends, and especially Him.

My belief is that God has never intended for us to spend hours in the gym. He never intended for us to focus on our looks. I also believe that He never intended for us to be lazy, sedentary, or stuff our bodies full of junk. After all, the Bible is clear about gluttony being a sin. That all being laid out there, that means our goal should be to find a healthy balance to all of it, without becoming obsessed or letting it hold such a high place in our lives.

 

I can tell you that I, personally, would like to lose about 30 pounds. It’s mostly so I will feel better and be able to be more active with my children. I would be lying if I said the thought didn’t come to mind that I would also look better. However, I haven’t really stepped up to the plate to do anything about it. I have never, and will never do a diet or diet pill. I would like to eat better and walk with my husband. At this point, I don’t believe God’s will for me is to spend time in a gym “working on my fitness” (props to Fergie for that line!). I have far more important things to spend my time on. Are there times when I’m being lazy and could be working out? SURE. Are there times I could choose grilled chicken instead of fried? Absolutely.  Does that mean that people who are “fit” should assume that everyone who carries extra weight is lazy? Absurd.  For kicks and giggles, let’s just assume for a moment that everyone who is out of shape or carrying extra weight is, in fact, lazy…Does that give someone else the place to degrade them because of it? Because I am PRETTY SURE that if someone is being lazy, they know it. They just do. It doesn’t help for someone to be demeaning or point it out to them. It doesn’t make you better than someone else because you deem yourself “not lazy.”

Also, while yes, being healthy includes obvious things such as eating right and not being sedentary, it also has to do with your genes. It drives me insane when “health nuts” say it has nothing to do with your genes. Ummm, yes, it does. Being fit does not give you a right to be ignorant or say ignorant things. Not only is that information READILY available to everyone, but I’ve experienced it firsthand. As younger adults, even after we had had children, I was able to eat whatever I wanted and not workout and still maintain a great figure. Not boasting, just saying. Ok, maybe there was a tad bit of boasting there. Anyway, my best friend could not do that. It wasn’t because I was trying and she wasn’t. It was because our make-up (genes) are totally different. The way our bodies were built, the way they used food, the way they responded to activity…all completely different.

Genes are a BIG part of it. I actually have the body type, which if I were to work out, gains muscle much more easily than lots of other women. I’ve had a personal trainer say they were envious of my body type (That was years ago, after baby #3. HA! If they could see me now! YIKES!). Some women are more, I hate to use the word scrawny, but you know, just a different body type. They have to work their tails off to gain muscle. This all goes for men, too, but I’m a woman talking to women. Some people lose weight more easily, some people gain muscle more easily, some do both more easily. Is it really nice to judge people based on our genes? Really? In case you are confused about the answer, it’s no. No, it’s not nice.

I will agree, that having children, specifically, doesn’t always have a big effect on your weight. I mean, you technically only have to gain a few pounds to have a child; most of us gain too much.  And some of us lose the weight easily, and some have to work to get it off, and some never get it off. So, yes, the extra weight comes from the time you were pregnant, but again, I think a lot of that has to do with genes. If you have “good genes,” the weight is going to come off more easily. The first three children I had, I did no work afterwards to lose the weight. The last child, I kept a lot of the weight on. Was it because of the baby? Not really. It was because I had gotten older, it was because I had another surgery on my stomach that completely changed its shape, it was because I was busy being a mother of four and I didn’t have the energy or the time to focus on getting the weight off. It was a lot of things. Now that life has balanced out a bit, and the last one is a toddler, I could focus a little more on it. But, I’m just not ready to take that step. I would like for others’ to be just as ok about that choice as I am. As my husband is. As my children are. As my God is.

God knows I have WAY more areas that need work… areas way more important than my body,  in the big scheme of things.

 

So, why do you want to lose weight or get in shape?

Because you are obese and want to be healthier and feel better?

Because you want to take care of the body God blessed you with?

Because you don’t want it to be so hard to find clothes that fit?

Because you want to have something to be proud of?

Because you want to feel like you are better than others?

Because you have other major insecurities that you can’t handle or deal with?

Because you want to look good in a bikini?

Because you think your husband won’t love you if you aren’t fit?

Because you need to feel like you are “good at something”?

 

The whole point of this post, is to say, not everyone is built the same. Not everyone has the same priorities. I agree that we should take care of our health. Taking care of ourselves doesn’t involve putting others down because of your need to feel better, or even simply because you can.

Thank you to those that are inspiring and encouraging. Those that are not, maybe you need to rethink your true goals, and especially your words.  If you are a sister in Christ, then you most especially need to rethink how you are building up or tearing down others….and putting down people over weight? Over not being able to bench press 150 pounds? Here is the truth, no one cares but you…okay, maybe other people in your same boat care, but it’s probably a pretty small boat. Like a dingy. See? Who wants to ride in a dingy? I’m on a yacht, you should join us…and you are welcome to.  But your words must be kind in order to join us. You must lay down your insecurities and your stereotypes and be able to embrace people that are different than you…people that are okay that that they are different than you. People that are okay that you are different than them. J

 

 

Sometimes I wish I was different...

Sometimes I wish I was a real cowgirl
Sometimes I wish I was a from the Bronx
Sometimes I wish I was rich
Sometimes I wish I had more kids (picture the old woman who lived in a shoe)
Sometimes I wish I had a live in nanny
Lots of times I wish I had a housekeeper
Sometimes I wish I could run away
Sometimes I wish I had more will power
Sometimes I wish I was nicer
Sometimes I wish I was bolder
Sometimes I wish I wasn't adhd
Lots of times I wish their were more cures for things
Sometimes I wish I was a better servant
Sometimes I wish i didn't care so much about being a better servant
Sometimes I wish I could be all alone
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so lonely
 Sometimes I wish I could give up 99% of my material possessions and hit the road and just spend my life sharing about Jesus
Lots of times I wish I could just slow down and breath life in a little more delicately
Sometimes I wish I was a better mom
Sometimes I wish I could be appreciated more for the mom that I am
Sometimes I wish I liked to drink
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so judgmental
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so judgmental on myself
Lots of times I wish the world was just a better place...a kinder place...a lovelier place...a more peaceful place...a place that granted more wishes...