Chasing after Contentment

 
       I have always considered myself a fairly content person. I feel like I am better than the average person at NOT comparing myself to others (who really knows though?!).
Even though I consider myself so, I still struggle...

"We are SO out of space in our house. WHY does someone with two kids need a 5 bedroom house?"

"Why do their kids seem so normal? Why do I have to struggle with the things I do with my own child/children?"

"Why would we have to struggle though a job layoff? Have we not been faithful enough? I know so and so has never struggled with this. Are they more faithful than us?"

"Being a faithful servant seems to come so easy to her. She reads her Bible every day, never forgetting, and she always seems happy and encouraging."


     These are only a few things that run through my mind when I'm feeling not good enough. People compare houses, cars, spouses, children, relationships, finances, jobs, our bodies and every other thing you can think of.
Comparison only leaves us never feeling good about ourselves. As the quote goes, Comparison is the joy thief. It truly is. We are actually stealing our own joy. Take just a moment to REALLY let that sink in.

Now THAT is a SAD picture, huh?!

     Most of us wouldn't go and punch ourselves in the face, but yet we are abusing our hearts and our faith in God, daily. We can't always see the physical side of such an internal and emotional struggle, but if it were physical, and we were on the outside looking in, we would be appalled. We would wonder why on earth someone is standing for that kind of abuse.

Yet here we are, dishing it out on ourselves.

     When we compare the standard of our lives to others, not only are we hurting ourselves, but I believe we are also doubting God. We are purposefully crippling our faith. He has an individual, unique, and beautifully tailored plan for each of us. My plan is not yours. Your plan is not mine. My child's plan, is not the same as your child's plan. When we compare our lives to others, in a negative way, we are saying God has it wrong, that He isn't watching after us as closely as He should. That He doesn't care quite as much about us as He does about that other person. What a lie the enemy has put in our hearts.

But since we are now aware of that lie, we can start to do something about it.

    The fact is, we will never, ever be truly content during our time on earth. The reason, is because this world was never made to be our permanent home. It's temporary. It's a passing-by place. Our home is Heaven. Heaven is where the pain, the sickness, the struggle, the hurt, the worry, the unrest...will be no more. C.S. Lewis said it perfectly...

                                             

     This is not the end of the story for us. All these material things and I hate to say it, but even the people in our lives (good and bad), are temporary. God warns us not to store up treasures. We can't take things with us when we leave this earth. I think God also warned us, because He knows that nothing here can satisfy, not things and not people, and not even temporarily. I think it hurts His heart to see us toiling away for more things, knowing that once we get them, we will still not be satisfied. It's like a hamster running on wheel. Always running, never getting any further ahead.

     I guarantee that as you sit, comparing your life to someone else, someone is also sitting and comparing their life, to yours.

     Let's stop the madness. Let's get off that crazy hamster wheel! But how?

     I think the first step, is praying and asking God to make us content with whatever He has planned for us. Let's ask Him to convict our hearts and stop us in our tracks when we find ourselves not being content and comparing ourselves to others. We can pray this not only for ourselves, but for others. Lord, if anyone is comparing their life to mine, convict their hearts. Father, help me not to compare my life and my situation to others. Help us to remember we all have our own set of struggles. Nothing is ever truly as it seems. Help me not to come across in a way that makes me seem like my life is better than someone else's. Let it be apparent, that the only true gain in our lives, is You. Help us to claim victory over the lies that the enemy has tried to feed us. Help us to be for one another and not against. Help each of us to be content, and not to compare, but instead, to be thankful for the unique plans You have made for each one of us.

     Personally, I also know that also, I am so much more content and at peace, when I am regularly in the Word. It is hard to make time on some days, but my life and the people around me, benefit in incredible ways, when I PURPOSE Bible time (even just a few minutes) in my life. I dare you to give it a try, if you aren't already. Contentment is attainable, but only with God. There isn't any other way, even if some people have fooled themselves, or are in the dark about how to obtain it. "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 1 Timothy 6:6-7

                                                             

P.S. For those of you desiring to get a little deeper and more consistently into the Word, you can start anywhere, just where you feel led. I am not expert (obviously!), but I do want to share, that the One Year Bible is a great way to go. It has the Bible broken down into fairly short daily readings. That is what I have used, until lately. I stumbled onto the recommendation of a journaling Bible. I have always been a "doodler/note taker", it just has always helped things sink-in, for me. I purchased an ESV journaling Bible and I am loving it. Either way you decided to go, I promise that just a few minutes spent reading the Word each day, will be so worth it. 2015 is the year we claim contentment, with the good and the bad in our lives, because the One in control is ALL GOOD, ALL THE TIME!  Love you all!!!

Parenting teenagers and, well, just parenting....

 

 

 

Teenagers.

Sweet Lawd! I feel like that word alone, “teenagers”, was a whole blog post.

I can’t stop there, though.

See, you usually start out life as a parent, with a newborn baby. At first you are high on love, and adrenalin does an amazing job of carrying you through the first little bit of life.

But then, the sleepless nights (unless you are one of the LUCKY few) start to get to you. You love your baby, but might start to rethink this whole “MOM” thing. You’re exhausted. You’re a little freaked out. You wonder if even other moms who have “been there” can understand how you feel. And mostly, you are afraid to admit it, and talk about it, because you don’t want it to discount the fact that you do love your baby more fiercely than anything else in this world. It’s like if you cop to the fact that you want to run away some days, you are saying you don’t love your baby. It’s overwhelming.

There are days you seriously question if you will make it; if you will ever get to sleep again, or have quality adult conversation again, or have alone time with your spouse again, of just get to be “yourself” again. Do you even know who you are anymore? Mmm. Doubtful. Because the “real you” is lying underneath a load of laundry full of spit-up-on burp rags and diaper changes and breastfeeding (remember when you used to look at your breasts in a whole different way, BEFORE breastfeeding? Yeah. ) , and sleepless nights, and thoughts of strangling people that made raising a baby look easy. You don’t like to use swear words, but “Damn them!”

But, somehow, you make it. The sun rises again. Things get better. You can breathe again. You realize that you aren’t so bad at the mom thing, even if not perfect.

Then the toddler years set in. Terrible twos? Understatement of the year. More like Terrible Ones, Twos, and Threes…possibly Fours. You may have to hide out for a while. Avoid going into public if at all possible. You’ll have to apologize for things like;  your toddler calling other men, “Daddy”, throwing food across the restaurant, asking the cashier what happened to all her teeth, telling one of your mommy friends that their house stinks, for trying to drown the neighbor’s cat…those sort of things. But again, somehow you survive.  Some of your pride is gone, but that really isn’t so bad…is it?

“Kid years” as I like to call them (the ones between toddler and teen) are actually pretty darn decent. Don’t get me wrong…if you have a girl, you will learn the meaning to “drama” and if you have a boy you will learn the meaning to “wild.” Unless you have one of those perfect kids (trying my very best not to be sarcastic and judgmental here). Besides the occasional fight about what clothing to wear and homework and them cleaning their room, it’s not so bad. I mean, there are definitely rough days that still come along, some families have more issues during these years than others, but as a rule, it feels like you are on the downhill slide. You might finally be getting the hang of parenting.

Then the teen years come. (You realize a cruel joke has been inserted here). What happened to the downhill slide?  Now, thankfully, the two boys in my house that are teens haven’t pulled any crazy stunts. Parenting clause: I didn’t say they were perfect, I just said that thus far, nothing too crazy has happened (We’re all still living, right??). I count my blessing every day for such. For privacy purposes, I won’t name names, but we were very close and involved in a couple of teens that DID pull those stunts regularly. It was exhausting, heartbreaking, and I can tell you…worse than ANY night spent awake during  the years of  breastfeeding (or making bottles) and changing diapers. With an infant, you may not sleep, but you know where that baby is. They are safe in your arms (even if exhausted arms). With a teen that sneaks out, or is even simply spending the night with a friend or away at camp…you really don’t know everything that is going on. With technology and internet, I believe parenting has raised the stress level to a whole new level. How can you sleep peacefully when you are so worried? Sometimes you wish them back into that baby stage so you can keep them at arm’s length, then you realize how insane that is, because you would just have to go through all this again.

You know, I know I was a teen once (my kids would totally laugh at that statement).  I know that at that age, being trapped in between being a child and an adult, is So hard. It is so confusing. I think we adults forget how truly awkward and hard it is. You are pressed to act like an adult…be mature, be responsible…but also follow your parent’s rules, even if you don’t agree. I really think as parents, we get so caught up in them being obedient and following OUR rules, that we sometimes forget the whole point of raising children is to help them grown into successful adults. It can sometimes turn into more about us showing them who is boss rather than lovingly trying to show them the way. Having teenagers, I have realized that parenting has never been harder. They are so close to being “on their own”, and it is So scary. It is an incredible challenge to find the balance of guiding them but also letting them find their own way.

As a Christian parent, I want my children to know, honor, and live for God. But, I can’t force that on them, just like I can’t force any other belief or way of life onto them. I want them to be happy, but I can’t choose happiness for them. I want them to be healthy, but that really isn’t in my hands. I want them to be kind and respectful to others, but again, that’s a choice they have to make.  I want them to be productive and contributing citizens…what say do I get in that? What say did my own parents have as I stepped into adulthood? Not a whole lot. Yes, I had the choice to take the morals and lessons along with me that they had tried to pass on, but it was up to me if I wanted to do so.

When I think about this: What if I COULD choose one thing for my child to take into adulthood with them? One thing? My answer is that they would know and live for God. That’s it. If that is the case, everything else, I understand will fall into place. I don’t really have dreams of my child growing up to be a janitor, but what if that’s what he chooses? I don’t have dreams of my child growing up to marry a spouse that is unfaithful, but what if that happens? I don’t have any dreams, of my child ever having to deal with a serious illness, but what if that fear is realized? What if? What if? What if?

There is so so much that I am not in control of.  It is so scary having your children grow up and go out on their own. But you know, it’s also something that makes you proud, I’d guess. You have poured years of blood, sweat, tears, and hopefully prayer into that moment, and while it’s nice to see the fruits of that…it really isn’t necessary.

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

 

This verse says it all. God says that if I teach my children right, which is to know and honor Him, that they will not depart from it. If they wander, they will return. I am choosing, this day, to believe God for that promise. I am laying claim to that offer that God has freely given. I want to encourage you to do the same. Worrying and living in fear for our children, do absolutely nothing to help them.

In Mathew 6, we are told NOT to worry. It won’t add anything to our lives, or our children’s lives. It’s not an easy thing to trust, but that is where FAITH waltzes in and saves the day.

My season of parenting right now, includes a toddler, a “kid”, and two teenagers. Of those two teenagers, one just turned 13 and one will be an ADULT in a few months. Honestly, I can’t get through typing that sentence without tears streaming down my face. I just can’t .  I can tell you that although my toddler keeps me much busier than the rest, so much of my heart and prayer is consumed with our oldest. He is so close to going out into this world. And I know how nasty this world can be.  I wish I was a perfect Christian example, and could say I had no fear about the future…but I would be lying to your face. I do fear. But, more than fear, I have faith. I am ever so thankful, that God makes good on His promises, and that because of that, I am able to let my faith outweigh my fear.

 

1 Thessalonians 5: 17 says “Pray continually.”

So. That’s what I aim to do. I encourage you to do the same. Prayer is one of the very few things, a HUGE thing, that we do have control over. Don’t discount its greatness. Don’t let fear steal the joy from today. Don’t let fear about being a less-than-perfect parent, steal the joy of the sweet times spent with your child.

Don’t let fear about your baby, going out into this great big world, steal your joy that comes from knowing God has great things planned for your baby…even if your baby is about to be an adult.

Pray for your baby, pray for your child, pray for your teen, pray for your adult child. Pray continually. God will work it all out so much better than we ever imagined. Also, He has the power that we very much lack. Thank you, God, for looking out for our jewels J