Hi.
My name is Katy, and I struggle with materialism. I think.
See, I’ve come a long way in this area, but just when I
think I have it pegged, God shows me I need to continue to allow His work in me.
Remember Isaiah 64:8? Yet you,
LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work
of your hand.
He is continuing to mold me into the vessel He
knows I can become. It requires patience and trust and faith on my part. I’m
still working on my part J
Let me tell ya! He has
His work cut out for him. BIGTIME.
Before I get too deep, I want you to know that nothing I say
is meant to pass judgment or make anyone feel bad about themselves, but please
know I plan to be brutally honest here.
You see, I like nice things. I’m not rich. Well, actually, I
guess that depends on how you look at it. We can’t afford a Land Rover (my
dream vehicle….I know, I know… I already admitted I struggle with materialism).
We can’t afford a huge home, or even a kind-of-big home. We don’t have hundreds of thousands in the
bank. But. We have a roof over our head, food to eat, and clothes (cute ones at
that) to cover our body. We can send money for field trips at school and go out
to eat with friends. So , when I read that 22,000 children die from poverty
EVERY DAY, and that almost half of the world lives on $2.50 or less per day, “rich”
took on a whole new meaning. A lot of people
would rather turn their eyes and ears away from statistics like these, because
if you don’t know, you don’t have to think about them, and you don’t have to
act in order to help change the situation.
Besides, who was to be convicted when you are trying to pick
out a cute pair of shoes? AMEN??
What can I say? I’m a typical woman. I love to shop. I am an
internet shopping queen….because I love finding unique things that not everyone
else in this town has. My ultimate downfall is probably shopping for clothes
for my kids. They are my pride and joy. I love dressing them up. I mean, I love
a compliment on my handbag or shoes, because I was the genius that picked them
out…but my kids are where my heart is. So, my biggest weakness lies there. It’s
not so much as to “show them off”, but my kids are MY kids. No one else gets
the rewards for having them. I love when
they are dressed in a way that represents me, what I like, and who I am.
SWEET LAWD!!!!! Just typing that makes me feel like an
idiot, and I am resisting the urge to take that line out. (Insert having to lay
down my pride right here). I guess when I think about it, and get honest, maybe
when they are dressed cute, I feel like I’m a good parent. I mean, a good
parent takes time to buy, pick out, and dress their kids cute, right? It shows
they care, right?
MAJOR OUCH.
If this actually gets published on my blog, it will be a true
BABY JESUS LYING IN A MANGER MIRACLE. It’s not easy to lay yourself bare.
BUT. Here is the
deal. I serve an amazing, grace-filled, totally capable, and loving God. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says this: But he said to me, "My grace is
sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I
will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may
rest on me.
So, because of God’s
great and everlasting love, I can let you guys in on my weakness, because God’s
strength more than makes up for every area I fall short in.
Now, not all of you struggle
like I do in this area. But it would be a lie to say that we don’t ALL have
struggles. Not only would it be a lie to say we don’t struggle, but it would be
denying that God has the grace and the power to cover our iniquities. It would
be the same as saying, “We don’t need God or His grace and forgiveness, saying
that because we have it all figured out and can handle it on our own.”
And while I’m talking
here, let me be clear…this is far from my only struggle. BUT. I feel quite sure
neither I, nor you, can handle me talking about more than one of my struggles
at a time. It’s overwhelming to speak the truth and admit how weak we really
and truly are.
See, I hear so many say
things like, “I’ve worked hard, I deserve this (insert pleasure here).”
I have said that myself. Many times. I gawked at a friend that spent $800 on a
handbag, but totally excused myself when I spent $100 on one. Of course $100 is
a lot less than $800, but really we have no right to judge. Our incomes are
different. Our lives are different. Our convictions are different. God has
different things planned for each and every one of us. BUT. Here comes some of
the brutal honesty… I don’t think for a minute, if Jesus was right here, he
would say, “Yes, you are an amazing and hardworking mom…I want you to go and
buy that handbag for yourself instead of feeding a family that can’t afford
food.” Whether it’s $100 or $800, I
think we are supposed to be responsible with the finances that God has allowed
to come into our lives.
When a friend suggested
the book, Kisses from Katie, I read
it. That book convicted me and grew me like no other book (besides the Bible).
In it, she said something like, God didn’t make too many people and not enough
resources to go around. She’s so right. It’s that the people that Do have, are
not spreading it around enough. That, shamefully, includes me.
I have the book
downloaded by Jen Hatmaker, 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess
Y’all. I can’t even open that one to the first
page. I’m scared to death of it. I know it’s going to convict me and grow me
even more in this area and I’m just not ready for it. I kind of wish I had it
in the actual book, instead of downloaded. My reason for that is because once I
read Created to be His Helpmeet and it was a great book, but the time came
where I needed to read it again. I was kicking and screaming. I didn’t want to
read it, I didn’t want to be convicted and I darn sure didn’t want to admit I
had some feelings and actions that needed dealing with.
So, I just left it in the floor.
It taunted
me every day, just sitting there, looking up at me, like “You know you need to
read me.” Then, before I got a chance, Blake took a poop on it.
Literally,
like, he really took a poop on it. What can I say? It was during the potty
training stages. J So, you see, if I had the Jen
Hatmaker book in actual print, I might could get Blake to poop on it. Then, I’d
have to throw it away. No conviction for me!!! YAY!
In Matthew 26:11 Jesus
says the poor will always be with us.
Like always, Jesus was
right J DING DING DING!
The poor WILL always be
with us, but that doesn’t mean we don’t do our darnedest to help who we can and
change what we can in the few precious moments we have while we are on this
earth.
I’m not super sure why
today is the day I felt the need to confess and write about this. I guess it’s
because lately, Jesus has been whispering to me to “Love Love Love” on people.
I love how he is so gentle with me, even though I am so incredibly stubborn. He
has revealed to me how incredibly worthless material things are, and how
incredibly important His people are.
I’m sure you guys are
thinking one of three following things…
1. Why did I waste my time reading this?
2. Katy is seriously off in the head. I’ll still
smile at her and say Hi when I see her in public, but wow, she is really nuts!
3. I can relate to this…I don’t love that these
feelings are being stirred in me, but I think I can admit that I struggle, too
I guess I just want to
say, that as God’s people, we can do more. We can focus less on ourselves. Less
on material things. More on people. More on loving them. How willing are you to
reach out to someone you wouldn’t normally even give a second look to, and do
something kind for them? To throw caution to the wind, and love someone, just
for the sake of loving them?
How willing am I to give
up my next pair of new shoes, and instead, give the money to a struggling mom?
Brutal honesty: I’m not sure, but it’s something I darn sure want to work on.
It’s something I want to pray about. It’s something I want. Because I know God
wants it for me. I know He knows I’m capable.
I know He is also
patient with me. He knows I am just a pile of mushy wet clay. He knows that I
know, He isn’t going to force me into a lovely vessel of His design unless I
allow Him to. He isn’t a forceful God. He is a good, patient, and loving God. I
love that about Him.
Precious Father God, use
us for your good. Help us to love like you love. Help us to help one another. Help
us to encourage. Help us to not be afraid of showing our weakness, because your
strength takes care of us. Amen!
