Chasing after Contentment

 
       I have always considered myself a fairly content person. I feel like I am better than the average person at NOT comparing myself to others (who really knows though?!).
Even though I consider myself so, I still struggle...

"We are SO out of space in our house. WHY does someone with two kids need a 5 bedroom house?"

"Why do their kids seem so normal? Why do I have to struggle with the things I do with my own child/children?"

"Why would we have to struggle though a job layoff? Have we not been faithful enough? I know so and so has never struggled with this. Are they more faithful than us?"

"Being a faithful servant seems to come so easy to her. She reads her Bible every day, never forgetting, and she always seems happy and encouraging."


     These are only a few things that run through my mind when I'm feeling not good enough. People compare houses, cars, spouses, children, relationships, finances, jobs, our bodies and every other thing you can think of.
Comparison only leaves us never feeling good about ourselves. As the quote goes, Comparison is the joy thief. It truly is. We are actually stealing our own joy. Take just a moment to REALLY let that sink in.

Now THAT is a SAD picture, huh?!

     Most of us wouldn't go and punch ourselves in the face, but yet we are abusing our hearts and our faith in God, daily. We can't always see the physical side of such an internal and emotional struggle, but if it were physical, and we were on the outside looking in, we would be appalled. We would wonder why on earth someone is standing for that kind of abuse.

Yet here we are, dishing it out on ourselves.

     When we compare the standard of our lives to others, not only are we hurting ourselves, but I believe we are also doubting God. We are purposefully crippling our faith. He has an individual, unique, and beautifully tailored plan for each of us. My plan is not yours. Your plan is not mine. My child's plan, is not the same as your child's plan. When we compare our lives to others, in a negative way, we are saying God has it wrong, that He isn't watching after us as closely as He should. That He doesn't care quite as much about us as He does about that other person. What a lie the enemy has put in our hearts.

But since we are now aware of that lie, we can start to do something about it.

    The fact is, we will never, ever be truly content during our time on earth. The reason, is because this world was never made to be our permanent home. It's temporary. It's a passing-by place. Our home is Heaven. Heaven is where the pain, the sickness, the struggle, the hurt, the worry, the unrest...will be no more. C.S. Lewis said it perfectly...

                                             

     This is not the end of the story for us. All these material things and I hate to say it, but even the people in our lives (good and bad), are temporary. God warns us not to store up treasures. We can't take things with us when we leave this earth. I think God also warned us, because He knows that nothing here can satisfy, not things and not people, and not even temporarily. I think it hurts His heart to see us toiling away for more things, knowing that once we get them, we will still not be satisfied. It's like a hamster running on wheel. Always running, never getting any further ahead.

     I guarantee that as you sit, comparing your life to someone else, someone is also sitting and comparing their life, to yours.

     Let's stop the madness. Let's get off that crazy hamster wheel! But how?

     I think the first step, is praying and asking God to make us content with whatever He has planned for us. Let's ask Him to convict our hearts and stop us in our tracks when we find ourselves not being content and comparing ourselves to others. We can pray this not only for ourselves, but for others. Lord, if anyone is comparing their life to mine, convict their hearts. Father, help me not to compare my life and my situation to others. Help us to remember we all have our own set of struggles. Nothing is ever truly as it seems. Help me not to come across in a way that makes me seem like my life is better than someone else's. Let it be apparent, that the only true gain in our lives, is You. Help us to claim victory over the lies that the enemy has tried to feed us. Help us to be for one another and not against. Help each of us to be content, and not to compare, but instead, to be thankful for the unique plans You have made for each one of us.

     Personally, I also know that also, I am so much more content and at peace, when I am regularly in the Word. It is hard to make time on some days, but my life and the people around me, benefit in incredible ways, when I PURPOSE Bible time (even just a few minutes) in my life. I dare you to give it a try, if you aren't already. Contentment is attainable, but only with God. There isn't any other way, even if some people have fooled themselves, or are in the dark about how to obtain it. "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 1 Timothy 6:6-7

                                                             

P.S. For those of you desiring to get a little deeper and more consistently into the Word, you can start anywhere, just where you feel led. I am not expert (obviously!), but I do want to share, that the One Year Bible is a great way to go. It has the Bible broken down into fairly short daily readings. That is what I have used, until lately. I stumbled onto the recommendation of a journaling Bible. I have always been a "doodler/note taker", it just has always helped things sink-in, for me. I purchased an ESV journaling Bible and I am loving it. Either way you decided to go, I promise that just a few minutes spent reading the Word each day, will be so worth it. 2015 is the year we claim contentment, with the good and the bad in our lives, because the One in control is ALL GOOD, ALL THE TIME!  Love you all!!!

When letting go is harder than you thought it would be...

My sweet boys...Joseph was 3 and Andrew was 7. Time flies. 

                When you have a baby, I think most parents have so many hopes and dreams for that child. The hubs and I were so young when we had our first child. But still, I have always had hopes and dreams for him. I hear some parents dreaming about their children becoming doctors or lawyers or “marrying into money,”, but  I never really hoped he would have a specific career or marry a certain person or even that he would have a certain financial status. My one true hope, is that he would follow Christ.

See, I knew that if he followed Christ, everything else would fall into place.

As the years go by, sometimes you find yourself thinking about the day that your child goes off to college or moves out…some parents are excited at the thought and some are sad.

I have always known that our children, really, are not even ours. They are God’s. But God has given us watch and responsibility over them for our time on earth. That is a really hard concept. 

You look at the child that is part of you, that you love more than anything else on earth, and wonder how, in the bigger scheme of things, they are not even yours. Mind Blowing.

I know from the time we had our first, until today, and probably forever, that my heart walks around outside of my body and goes wherever my children go…even if I am not always physically with them.

I think it is natural (at least to some parents) to want to hover over them and protect them from everything scary and bad and hurtful. But, our true place as a parent, is to help give them a heart for God, and teach them how to be responsible for themselves, so that they can live life without our constant presence one day.

You always know the day will come, that your child will go out into the great big and wide world on their own. ( Well, unless you have one of those failure to launch types J )

Sometimes it’s done with lots of planning and preparation, and sometimes it just happens all of a sudden, with no time to get used to the idea.

But, the closer that time comes, the more reality starts to set in, and the scarier it can become.

I’ll be honest. Thinking about my husband and I having “our own life” again, sounds exciting, but if you want to know the feels in my heart of hearts…I would have all four of our kids live with us forever and I would hover over them trying my best to protect them from anything ugly in this harsh world.

But then I have to take a deep breath and let God remind me of some things.

God has a plan for each of us, including each of our children. Hurts, trials, mistakes…they GROW us. If we don’t go through hard things, we don’t grow in Christ. We don’t find out just how reliable He is. The more things that come our way, the more we lean on God, the more we realize our desperate need for Him. So, if I hover over my kids, protecting them from the world, my honest side has to admit that I would be totally stepping in the way of allowing God to be the one helping them and walking them though a trial, and ultimately, growing them into the individual that He has planned.

He made plans for them before we Mothers ever even feel them kick and move from inside our body. He made plans for them long before the thought of surrogacy or adoption ever entered our minds.

Jeremiah 29:11 says this:

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope

A popular verse, so it’s easy to look over the power behind it.

But Dude. This verse is for US. For our CHILDREN. For our NEICES and NEPHEWS. And Grandbabies. For our friend struggling with addiction. For our friend going through divorce. For days when we are without a clue (which is pretty much every day for me)…He is always and constantly FOR US.

God is for us. He is SO FOR US. 

He loves our kids even more than we do, which is absolutely impossible to wrap our minds around, but we have to step out in faith and lay claim on that promise.

He is with our children, even we are not, even when we can’t be, even when we want to be but for all kinds of reasons we are not.

For years I have been praying for the future of my children…not just today and the troubles it brings, but for the future. I pray for their future spouses. It is so worth investing that prayer time in their future. If you haven’t started yet, it’s never too late.

I guess as our oldest is so close to turning 18 and being an “adult”, all this has been heavy on my mind and my heart.  His dad and I simply cannot make choices for him. We cannot go with him wherever he goes. We cannot protect him. A gut-wrenching truth.

Throughout the day, crazy thoughts about it all race through my mind. Will he make it? I know he will stumble, but will he get back up? Will he make it safely to the other side? 

But at night, when I lay my head down, peace washes over me as I pray. I know God knows my heart. He knows my desires and my deepest fear as a parent. He walks though it with me. He watched His one and only Son, sacrificed on a cross…but then He brought Him home. Now they are in Paradise, together. I know my son is also God’s child. I know He has the same plan for him. He may have some rough times on this earth, but in the end, He is going to get him home safely.

Father God, you know our hearts, as parents. You know how, as sinners, in need of your amazing grace, our faith waivers. We need you. We claim the promise you have laid, to watch over us and care for us and deliver us to safety. No matter what age, Lord God, we ask that you go with us and our children wherever this earthly life takes them. Guide them, protect them, grow them into who YOU have planned for them to be. Let them follow you always, God. Help them to know, that even in mistakes, even in sin, You are there to set them back on solid ground. You never forsake us. Fill us with peace. Take away the fear. Thank you that you are a capable God. Thank you that even when we fail to do right by you as parents, that your Grace overflows into our lives and our childrens’ lives. Thank you for your constant care. In your Hands, Father. Amen.

***Okay, done with deep thoughts for the day. My brain hurts.

PS. Just because this was such as serious post (as most of my blogs are…simply because I usually post when I’m in deep thought and in need of free therapy which comes through the movement of my fingers across the keyboard J I would like to add one lighthearted thing:

Blake took his first skinny-dip in our backyard yesterday. I have this conclusion…He is very prideful about the fact that he is a boy J

Go with him, Lord! Please help him not to be a nudist or a male stripper, Lord. Amen!

The trials are over...sike! When you are stuck in the Valley of Baka...

     

      So you guys, I was just telling someone the other day that I think life is one big season of learning. Maybe I'm behind. Maybe some of you already have all this figured out. 
 Life has different chapters, sure, but I USED to think God only wanted to teach me a lesson every now and then. I only needed growth and reminder SOMETIMES. However, I have come to the place, where I am content, knowing that as long as I live on earth, there will be trials. Don't misunderstand. I didn't say I was happy with being in the midst of a trial, I said that I was content with whatever lot God has given me during my time on earth. Although, lots of happy times are tossed around in there, too. 

I feel like I am just going out of one long, rather enduring trial that has gone on for the past couple of years. And wouldn't you know, a brand new trial has already been laid before me. I am not yet ready to talk specifics about the trial. But, just making my point, that we constantly have opportunities to learn and to grow. Think about it. When have you NOT been facing some sort of trial? Sometimes they are small and sometimes they are big, but there is always something. Also, just because we are in a trial , doesn't mean we can't have peace, contentment, and even joy, along the way. We are able to have those things in the midst of a heady trial, only because of God's grace, I realize. 

As I contemplate my latest trial, I came to Psalm 84. Isn't Psalms a place you just want to camp out? It is a place of such hope for me. 

As I read through those verses, I got to this part, 

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
    whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.
6 As they pass through the Valley of Baka,
    they make it a place of springs;
    the autumn rains also cover it with pools."


I was thinking, "Okay, Lord. My strength is for sure in you. I mean, yes, I totally try to do things in my own strength, but in my heart of hearts, anything I accomplish, is because of your strength, God." 
But then I read about the Valley of Baka, and how they make it a place a of springs. I realized that if it was made a place of streams, it must not have previously been a place of springs. In fact, I bet it was the OPPOSITE of a place of springs. So, I decided to do a tiny bit of research. 
I read that it also means "Valley of the Weeper". Oh...Well...Perfect place for me, as I have been doing quite a bit of weeping lately. I also know that "springs" are refreshing...and a good thing.

So the picture God shows me is this:
I'm in the Valley of Baka..Maybe you're there, too. 
It's dry, it's parched, it's a desperate place that we really have no interest in. If we could, we would take the first train out...heck, the first camel out...anything...just to get away from the heat of the trial...just to run the complete opposite way of the pain. 
 But, if we trust God with our whole hearts, and press forward...if we trudge through the valley, even while our tears are many and streaming down our dusty face, God uses those tears to turn the valley, the horrible place, into something beautiful and refreshing and LIFE-GIVING. 

You know, it's almost sickening just how sticky sweet God's goodness is. Except, we need that grace so badly, that instead of being sickening, we are just nothing but blessed. He is just so good to us, you guys. 
This life on earth, it's not heaven. It's not our home. Bad things happen here. Bad people live here. Hard lives happen. But this is not the end of the story, friends. For those that persevere with God, we will SO be delivered from the harshness that is offered up to us at every turn. 
I am DOWN with that. So down with that. 

So, I may not love trials. But I love my God. I trust Him. I know He is for me...and for you. If I am going through a trial, I know there is a purpose. If I feel God sending me into the Valley of Baka, I don't want to tell Him no. I know He is going to turn it all around for me into something more beautiful than I could ever dream up. If he can turn a desert into a place filled with springs, HOLY SMOKES, what can He do with our lives? Remember how he cares for even the birds?  Matthew 6:26,
 " Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

We are His, and we are valuable to Him. That is why He doesn't desert us while we are in the hard places. He doesn't just get us started and then say, "OH! Your faith only bought you enough for me to get you started. Your on your own now. See you on the other side."
No, no, no. We serve a God who never needs to rest, who never grows weary, and who we don't have to EARN grace from. He sticks it out with us, every step of the way. If that doesn't offer us an overwhelming storehouse of peace, well...then I don't know what does. 

So, again, while I may not be thrilled to be in this trial. I am content. God is enough...today...and for the rest of my days on earth. 

So, I encourage you...if you are going through a trial, if you are in that dry and dusty valley, go ahead... let the tears flow...let them out...but please KNOW that God is going to use those tears, He is going to use the trial. He is going to use you. He is going to whittle and weave and paint and plaster and create a masterpiece out of it all...out of us all.

And quite honestly, I CANNOT WAIT to see the finished product of our lives lived out for Him, brothers and sisters. Thankfully that work of art has already been bought and paid in full. 

Entering the trial a little afraid, a lot weepy, and very shakily, but also knowing that even if some chapters are rough, the ending is going to be great... :)

Where I talk about the struggle...

Hi.

My name is Katy, and I struggle with materialism. I think.

See, I’ve come a long way in this area, but just when I think I have it pegged, God shows me I need to continue to allow His work in me. Remember Isaiah 64:8? Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

 He is continuing to mold me into the vessel He knows I can become. It requires patience and trust and faith on my part. I’m still working on my part J

Let me tell ya! He has His work cut out for him. BIGTIME.

Before I get too deep, I want you to know that nothing I say is meant to pass judgment or make anyone feel bad about themselves, but please know I plan to be brutally honest here.

You see, I like nice things. I’m not rich. Well, actually, I guess that depends on how you look at it. We can’t afford a Land Rover (my dream vehicle….I know, I know… I already admitted I struggle with materialism). We can’t afford a huge home, or even a kind-of-big home.  We don’t have hundreds of thousands in the bank. But. We have a roof over our head, food to eat, and clothes (cute ones at that) to cover our body. We can send money for field trips at school and go out to eat with friends. So , when I read that 22,000 children die from poverty EVERY DAY, and that almost half of the world lives on $2.50 or less per day, “rich” took on a whole new meaning.  A lot of people would rather turn their eyes and ears away from statistics like these, because if you don’t know, you don’t have to think about them, and you don’t have to act in order to help change the situation.

Besides, who was to be convicted when you are trying to pick out a cute pair of shoes? AMEN??

What can I say? I’m a typical woman. I love to shop. I am an internet shopping queen….because I love finding unique things that not everyone else in this town has. My ultimate downfall is probably shopping for clothes for my kids. They are my pride and joy. I love dressing them up. I mean, I love a compliment on my handbag or shoes, because I was the genius that picked them out…but my kids are where my heart is. So, my biggest weakness lies there. It’s not so much as to “show them off”, but my kids are MY kids. No one else gets the rewards for having them.  I love when they are dressed in a way that represents me, what I like, and who I am.

SWEET LAWD!!!!! Just typing that makes me feel like an idiot, and I am resisting the urge to take that line out. (Insert having to lay down my pride right here). I guess when I think about it, and get honest, maybe when they are dressed cute, I feel like I’m a good parent. I mean, a good parent takes time to buy, pick out, and dress their kids cute, right? It shows they care, right?

MAJOR OUCH.

If this actually gets published on my blog, it will be a true BABY JESUS LYING IN A MANGER MIRACLE. It’s not easy to lay yourself bare.

 BUT. Here is the deal. I serve an amazing, grace-filled, totally capable, and loving God.  2 Corinthians 12:9 says this: But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

So, because of God’s great and everlasting love, I can let you guys in on my weakness, because God’s strength more than makes up for every area I fall short in.

Now, not all of you struggle like I do in this area. But it would be a lie to say that we don’t ALL have struggles. Not only would it be a lie to say we don’t struggle, but it would be denying that God has the grace and the power to cover our iniquities. It would be the same as saying, “We don’t need God or His grace and forgiveness, saying that because we have it all figured out and can handle it on our own.”

And while I’m talking here, let me be clear…this is far from my only struggle. BUT. I feel quite sure neither I, nor you, can handle me talking about more than one of my struggles at a time. It’s overwhelming to speak the truth and admit how weak we really and truly are.

See, I hear so many say things like, “I’ve worked hard, I deserve this (insert pleasure here).” I have said that myself. Many times. I gawked at a friend that spent $800 on a handbag, but totally excused myself when I spent $100 on one. Of course $100 is a lot less than $800, but really we have no right to judge. Our incomes are different. Our lives are different. Our convictions are different. God has different things planned for each and every one of us. BUT. Here comes some of the brutal honesty… I don’t think for a minute, if Jesus was right here, he would say, “Yes, you are an amazing and hardworking mom…I want you to go and buy that handbag for yourself instead of feeding a family that can’t afford food.”  Whether it’s $100 or $800, I think we are supposed to be responsible with the finances that God has allowed to come into our lives.

When a friend suggested the book, Kisses from Katie, I read it. That book convicted me and grew me like no other book (besides the Bible). In it, she said something like, God didn’t make too many people and not enough resources to go around. She’s so right. It’s that the people that Do have, are not spreading it around enough. That, shamefully, includes me.

I have the book downloaded by Jen Hatmaker, 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess

Y’all. I can’t even open that one to the first page. I’m scared to death of it. I know it’s going to convict me and grow me even more in this area and I’m just not ready for it. I kind of wish I had it in the actual book, instead of downloaded. My reason for that is because once I read Created to be His Helpmeet and it was a great book, but the time came where I needed to read it again. I was kicking and screaming. I didn’t want to read it, I didn’t want to be convicted and I darn sure didn’t want to admit I had some feelings and actions that needed dealing with.

So, I just left it in the floor.

 It taunted me every day, just sitting there, looking up at me, like “You know you need to read me.” Then, before I got a chance, Blake took a poop on it.

 Literally, like, he really took a poop on it. What can I say? It was during the potty training stages. J  So, you see, if I had the Jen Hatmaker book in actual print, I might could get Blake to poop on it. Then, I’d have to throw it away. No conviction for me!!! YAY!

In Matthew 26:11 Jesus says the poor will always be with us.

Like always, Jesus was right J DING DING DING!

The poor WILL always be with us, but that doesn’t mean we don’t do our darnedest to help who we can and change what we can in the few precious moments we have while we are on this earth.

I’m not super sure why today is the day I felt the need to confess and write about this. I guess it’s because lately, Jesus has been whispering to me to “Love Love Love” on people. I love how he is so gentle with me, even though I am so incredibly stubborn. He has revealed to me how incredibly worthless material things are, and how incredibly important His people are.

I’m sure you guys are thinking one of three following things…

1.    Why did I waste my time reading this?

2.    Katy is seriously off in the head. I’ll still smile at her and say Hi when I see her in public, but wow, she is really nuts!

3.    I can relate to this…I don’t love that these feelings are being stirred in me, but I think I can admit that I struggle, too

I guess I just want to say, that as God’s people, we can do more. We can focus less on ourselves. Less on material things. More on people. More on loving them. How willing are you to reach out to someone you wouldn’t normally even give a second look to, and do something kind for them? To throw caution to the wind, and love someone, just for the sake of loving them?

How willing am I to give up my next pair of new shoes, and instead, give the money to a struggling mom? Brutal honesty: I’m not sure, but it’s something I darn sure want to work on. It’s something I want to pray about. It’s something I want. Because I know God wants it for me. I know He knows I’m capable.

I know He is also patient with me. He knows I am just a pile of mushy wet clay. He knows that I know, He isn’t going to force me into a lovely vessel of His design unless I allow Him to. He isn’t a forceful God. He is a good, patient, and loving God. I love that about Him.

Precious Father God, use us for your good. Help us to love like you love. Help us to help one another. Help us to encourage. Help us to not be afraid of showing our weakness, because your strength takes care of us. Amen!

Shellac: a review with pictures

     My husband gave me a gift certificate to a local nail salon and I decided to use part of it to try Shellac. All I knew about it was that it was supposed to last longer than traditional polish. I heard you have to have healthy nails in order to have it applied...it is a system. By "system," I mean they have a certain way that they have to apply it, which looked technical, but I didn't pay too much attention other than noticing it was applied in "layers" with the color you chose, and a clear polish of sorts, and with the intermittent use of a UV light.
After it was applied, I really liked it. It looked shiny and gave my nails a thicker appearance. In addition to the cost of the manicure, I think the Shellac was an extra $15. (Note: Forgive the lack of beauty of my hands, I am not a hand model :)
Here is what it looked like right after being applied:

Within a week of having a manicure with REGULAR polish, it is definitely chipping, if not more like a few days. But, here is what the Shellac looked like a week after having it applied:

It still looked great...absolutely no chips and still very shiny. I did notice my nails were already growing, and started to wonder if I would have to remove the polish because of chips, or because of the new growth. Here is what they looked like at about 11 days in, so not quite two weeks. Notice more nail growth, polish still looks great, but nail growth is bothering me a bit:

After 2 weeks and a couple days, I noticed a small chip:

I want to add that though there was indeed a chip, that part of that one nail is shaped funny and curves downward (see picture below)...since that was the first/only chip at that point, I wondered if it had to do with the odd shape of my nail in that spot: 

2 days later (today, after the polish had been on for a total of 19 days, 2 days short of 3 weeks), I noticed a chip on another nail on the same hand:

Here is a picture of my other hand, which is still looked great as far as the polish goes (again, the new growth was really not cute to me at this point): 

So, I decided to go ahead and remove the polish at home. I used acetone, cotton balls, and strips of foil: 

First, I applied some acetone to the cotton ball and laid on my nail:

Then wrapped them up in a strip of foil: 

Pretty hands with foil fingers ;) I let them sit like this for about 10 minutes before I started pulling it all off. Oh! And I did one hand at a time: 

After about 10 minutes when I started pulling the cotton/foil off, the polish either came right off on the cotton, or a few of them looked like this: 

For the ones that looked this way, it was super easy to just scrape the remaining polish off with my other nails: 

I was afraid my nails might be all torn up, but once everything was removed, I washed my hands and here is what they look like: 

They aren't totally smooth, but they actually look pretty good. I don't like long nails, so they will be filed down and I may add a clear coat to them, and they will be just fine. 

So, to sum it up, I would totally do the Shellac again. I love the way it stayed chip free and shiny so long. In fact, my only complaint was that my nails were growing too fast. Also, I don't think it took much more effort to remove than regular nail polish. They had So many colors to choose from, and now I am dreaming up my next color scheme :) 

Parenting teenagers and, well, just parenting....

 

 

 

Teenagers.

Sweet Lawd! I feel like that word alone, “teenagers”, was a whole blog post.

I can’t stop there, though.

See, you usually start out life as a parent, with a newborn baby. At first you are high on love, and adrenalin does an amazing job of carrying you through the first little bit of life.

But then, the sleepless nights (unless you are one of the LUCKY few) start to get to you. You love your baby, but might start to rethink this whole “MOM” thing. You’re exhausted. You’re a little freaked out. You wonder if even other moms who have “been there” can understand how you feel. And mostly, you are afraid to admit it, and talk about it, because you don’t want it to discount the fact that you do love your baby more fiercely than anything else in this world. It’s like if you cop to the fact that you want to run away some days, you are saying you don’t love your baby. It’s overwhelming.

There are days you seriously question if you will make it; if you will ever get to sleep again, or have quality adult conversation again, or have alone time with your spouse again, of just get to be “yourself” again. Do you even know who you are anymore? Mmm. Doubtful. Because the “real you” is lying underneath a load of laundry full of spit-up-on burp rags and diaper changes and breastfeeding (remember when you used to look at your breasts in a whole different way, BEFORE breastfeeding? Yeah. ) , and sleepless nights, and thoughts of strangling people that made raising a baby look easy. You don’t like to use swear words, but “Damn them!”

But, somehow, you make it. The sun rises again. Things get better. You can breathe again. You realize that you aren’t so bad at the mom thing, even if not perfect.

Then the toddler years set in. Terrible twos? Understatement of the year. More like Terrible Ones, Twos, and Threes…possibly Fours. You may have to hide out for a while. Avoid going into public if at all possible. You’ll have to apologize for things like;  your toddler calling other men, “Daddy”, throwing food across the restaurant, asking the cashier what happened to all her teeth, telling one of your mommy friends that their house stinks, for trying to drown the neighbor’s cat…those sort of things. But again, somehow you survive.  Some of your pride is gone, but that really isn’t so bad…is it?

“Kid years” as I like to call them (the ones between toddler and teen) are actually pretty darn decent. Don’t get me wrong…if you have a girl, you will learn the meaning to “drama” and if you have a boy you will learn the meaning to “wild.” Unless you have one of those perfect kids (trying my very best not to be sarcastic and judgmental here). Besides the occasional fight about what clothing to wear and homework and them cleaning their room, it’s not so bad. I mean, there are definitely rough days that still come along, some families have more issues during these years than others, but as a rule, it feels like you are on the downhill slide. You might finally be getting the hang of parenting.

Then the teen years come. (You realize a cruel joke has been inserted here). What happened to the downhill slide?  Now, thankfully, the two boys in my house that are teens haven’t pulled any crazy stunts. Parenting clause: I didn’t say they were perfect, I just said that thus far, nothing too crazy has happened (We’re all still living, right??). I count my blessing every day for such. For privacy purposes, I won’t name names, but we were very close and involved in a couple of teens that DID pull those stunts regularly. It was exhausting, heartbreaking, and I can tell you…worse than ANY night spent awake during  the years of  breastfeeding (or making bottles) and changing diapers. With an infant, you may not sleep, but you know where that baby is. They are safe in your arms (even if exhausted arms). With a teen that sneaks out, or is even simply spending the night with a friend or away at camp…you really don’t know everything that is going on. With technology and internet, I believe parenting has raised the stress level to a whole new level. How can you sleep peacefully when you are so worried? Sometimes you wish them back into that baby stage so you can keep them at arm’s length, then you realize how insane that is, because you would just have to go through all this again.

You know, I know I was a teen once (my kids would totally laugh at that statement).  I know that at that age, being trapped in between being a child and an adult, is So hard. It is so confusing. I think we adults forget how truly awkward and hard it is. You are pressed to act like an adult…be mature, be responsible…but also follow your parent’s rules, even if you don’t agree. I really think as parents, we get so caught up in them being obedient and following OUR rules, that we sometimes forget the whole point of raising children is to help them grown into successful adults. It can sometimes turn into more about us showing them who is boss rather than lovingly trying to show them the way. Having teenagers, I have realized that parenting has never been harder. They are so close to being “on their own”, and it is So scary. It is an incredible challenge to find the balance of guiding them but also letting them find their own way.

As a Christian parent, I want my children to know, honor, and live for God. But, I can’t force that on them, just like I can’t force any other belief or way of life onto them. I want them to be happy, but I can’t choose happiness for them. I want them to be healthy, but that really isn’t in my hands. I want them to be kind and respectful to others, but again, that’s a choice they have to make.  I want them to be productive and contributing citizens…what say do I get in that? What say did my own parents have as I stepped into adulthood? Not a whole lot. Yes, I had the choice to take the morals and lessons along with me that they had tried to pass on, but it was up to me if I wanted to do so.

When I think about this: What if I COULD choose one thing for my child to take into adulthood with them? One thing? My answer is that they would know and live for God. That’s it. If that is the case, everything else, I understand will fall into place. I don’t really have dreams of my child growing up to be a janitor, but what if that’s what he chooses? I don’t have dreams of my child growing up to marry a spouse that is unfaithful, but what if that happens? I don’t have any dreams, of my child ever having to deal with a serious illness, but what if that fear is realized? What if? What if? What if?

There is so so much that I am not in control of.  It is so scary having your children grow up and go out on their own. But you know, it’s also something that makes you proud, I’d guess. You have poured years of blood, sweat, tears, and hopefully prayer into that moment, and while it’s nice to see the fruits of that…it really isn’t necessary.

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

 

This verse says it all. God says that if I teach my children right, which is to know and honor Him, that they will not depart from it. If they wander, they will return. I am choosing, this day, to believe God for that promise. I am laying claim to that offer that God has freely given. I want to encourage you to do the same. Worrying and living in fear for our children, do absolutely nothing to help them.

In Mathew 6, we are told NOT to worry. It won’t add anything to our lives, or our children’s lives. It’s not an easy thing to trust, but that is where FAITH waltzes in and saves the day.

My season of parenting right now, includes a toddler, a “kid”, and two teenagers. Of those two teenagers, one just turned 13 and one will be an ADULT in a few months. Honestly, I can’t get through typing that sentence without tears streaming down my face. I just can’t .  I can tell you that although my toddler keeps me much busier than the rest, so much of my heart and prayer is consumed with our oldest. He is so close to going out into this world. And I know how nasty this world can be.  I wish I was a perfect Christian example, and could say I had no fear about the future…but I would be lying to your face. I do fear. But, more than fear, I have faith. I am ever so thankful, that God makes good on His promises, and that because of that, I am able to let my faith outweigh my fear.

 

1 Thessalonians 5: 17 says “Pray continually.”

So. That’s what I aim to do. I encourage you to do the same. Prayer is one of the very few things, a HUGE thing, that we do have control over. Don’t discount its greatness. Don’t let fear steal the joy from today. Don’t let fear about being a less-than-perfect parent, steal the joy of the sweet times spent with your child.

Don’t let fear about your baby, going out into this great big world, steal your joy that comes from knowing God has great things planned for your baby…even if your baby is about to be an adult.

Pray for your baby, pray for your child, pray for your teen, pray for your adult child. Pray continually. God will work it all out so much better than we ever imagined. Also, He has the power that we very much lack. Thank you, God, for looking out for our jewels J

 

One long post about fitness and the way you treat others concerning their fitness...

     Alright. Fitness…eating right, working out, getting healthier, etc.  Let me start by saying this post is not aimed at people, in general, who care about fitness. I think being fit, is a MOSTLY good thing.

 I have friends that I have watched over the course of the last year, or couple of years, transform themselves through courage, hard work, and dedication. I wholeheartedly applaud them. A few of them, I am so proud of, I even get a bit weepy seeing their “before and after” pictures. The difference between them and the people that have irritated me, is that these friends are inspiring and encouraging to other women. They aren’t catty or tacky or saying or posting things that try to make other women feel beneath them because they haven’t yet taken that step.  

There are also women that have stepped into the fitness world, and though they have become more fit, have drug every bit of the bad attitudes and insecurities that they started with, along with them. I believe there are a few women who truly just have the goal of getting healthier, and they go for it. But it seems like a LOT of women have other insecurities or issues that they can NOT change, so they decide they can at least change the way the eat and work out, so they do. But, oftentimes it becomes an obsession. It becomes something they can be prideful about, something they can use to “one up” other women with.

In Lisa Terkeurst’s book ‘Made to Crave,’ she said something that has stuck with me for a long time. She said that she imagined Jesus looking at us and saying, “I want you to give up the one thing you crave more than me. Then come, follow me.”

Obviously this can cover WAY more things that fitness/health, but that is what I’m writing out, so that is what it applies to.  Maybe it’s being fit that you crave more than God. Maybe it’s food that you crave more than God.

I agree that health should have a place in each of our lives. I agree that God blesses us with one body, and that we should respect it and try and take good care of it. I also believe, without a doubt, he doesn’t want fitness or eating right or exercising or losing weight or getting healthier to be more important to us that HE, alone, is.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

-Matthew 6:25-27

God tells us as plain as day not to worry about our body (Again, yes this verse touches on other things, but I’m staying true to my subject in this particular post). My personal opinion is that that doesn’t mean not to make good choices about our health. It means not to worry, not to obsess, not to let it be our main focus, not to let our desire to “look good” be more important than our family, our friends, and especially Him.

My belief is that God has never intended for us to spend hours in the gym. He never intended for us to focus on our looks. I also believe that He never intended for us to be lazy, sedentary, or stuff our bodies full of junk. After all, the Bible is clear about gluttony being a sin. That all being laid out there, that means our goal should be to find a healthy balance to all of it, without becoming obsessed or letting it hold such a high place in our lives.

 

I can tell you that I, personally, would like to lose about 30 pounds. It’s mostly so I will feel better and be able to be more active with my children. I would be lying if I said the thought didn’t come to mind that I would also look better. However, I haven’t really stepped up to the plate to do anything about it. I have never, and will never do a diet or diet pill. I would like to eat better and walk with my husband. At this point, I don’t believe God’s will for me is to spend time in a gym “working on my fitness” (props to Fergie for that line!). I have far more important things to spend my time on. Are there times when I’m being lazy and could be working out? SURE. Are there times I could choose grilled chicken instead of fried? Absolutely.  Does that mean that people who are “fit” should assume that everyone who carries extra weight is lazy? Absurd.  For kicks and giggles, let’s just assume for a moment that everyone who is out of shape or carrying extra weight is, in fact, lazy…Does that give someone else the place to degrade them because of it? Because I am PRETTY SURE that if someone is being lazy, they know it. They just do. It doesn’t help for someone to be demeaning or point it out to them. It doesn’t make you better than someone else because you deem yourself “not lazy.”

Also, while yes, being healthy includes obvious things such as eating right and not being sedentary, it also has to do with your genes. It drives me insane when “health nuts” say it has nothing to do with your genes. Ummm, yes, it does. Being fit does not give you a right to be ignorant or say ignorant things. Not only is that information READILY available to everyone, but I’ve experienced it firsthand. As younger adults, even after we had had children, I was able to eat whatever I wanted and not workout and still maintain a great figure. Not boasting, just saying. Ok, maybe there was a tad bit of boasting there. Anyway, my best friend could not do that. It wasn’t because I was trying and she wasn’t. It was because our make-up (genes) are totally different. The way our bodies were built, the way they used food, the way they responded to activity…all completely different.

Genes are a BIG part of it. I actually have the body type, which if I were to work out, gains muscle much more easily than lots of other women. I’ve had a personal trainer say they were envious of my body type (That was years ago, after baby #3. HA! If they could see me now! YIKES!). Some women are more, I hate to use the word scrawny, but you know, just a different body type. They have to work their tails off to gain muscle. This all goes for men, too, but I’m a woman talking to women. Some people lose weight more easily, some people gain muscle more easily, some do both more easily. Is it really nice to judge people based on our genes? Really? In case you are confused about the answer, it’s no. No, it’s not nice.

I will agree, that having children, specifically, doesn’t always have a big effect on your weight. I mean, you technically only have to gain a few pounds to have a child; most of us gain too much.  And some of us lose the weight easily, and some have to work to get it off, and some never get it off. So, yes, the extra weight comes from the time you were pregnant, but again, I think a lot of that has to do with genes. If you have “good genes,” the weight is going to come off more easily. The first three children I had, I did no work afterwards to lose the weight. The last child, I kept a lot of the weight on. Was it because of the baby? Not really. It was because I had gotten older, it was because I had another surgery on my stomach that completely changed its shape, it was because I was busy being a mother of four and I didn’t have the energy or the time to focus on getting the weight off. It was a lot of things. Now that life has balanced out a bit, and the last one is a toddler, I could focus a little more on it. But, I’m just not ready to take that step. I would like for others’ to be just as ok about that choice as I am. As my husband is. As my children are. As my God is.

God knows I have WAY more areas that need work… areas way more important than my body,  in the big scheme of things.

 

So, why do you want to lose weight or get in shape?

Because you are obese and want to be healthier and feel better?

Because you want to take care of the body God blessed you with?

Because you don’t want it to be so hard to find clothes that fit?

Because you want to have something to be proud of?

Because you want to feel like you are better than others?

Because you have other major insecurities that you can’t handle or deal with?

Because you want to look good in a bikini?

Because you think your husband won’t love you if you aren’t fit?

Because you need to feel like you are “good at something”?

 

The whole point of this post, is to say, not everyone is built the same. Not everyone has the same priorities. I agree that we should take care of our health. Taking care of ourselves doesn’t involve putting others down because of your need to feel better, or even simply because you can.

Thank you to those that are inspiring and encouraging. Those that are not, maybe you need to rethink your true goals, and especially your words.  If you are a sister in Christ, then you most especially need to rethink how you are building up or tearing down others….and putting down people over weight? Over not being able to bench press 150 pounds? Here is the truth, no one cares but you…okay, maybe other people in your same boat care, but it’s probably a pretty small boat. Like a dingy. See? Who wants to ride in a dingy? I’m on a yacht, you should join us…and you are welcome to.  But your words must be kind in order to join us. You must lay down your insecurities and your stereotypes and be able to embrace people that are different than you…people that are okay that that they are different than you. People that are okay that you are different than them. J