When letting go is harder than you thought it would be...

My sweet boys...Joseph was 3 and Andrew was 7. Time flies. 

                When you have a baby, I think most parents have so many hopes and dreams for that child. The hubs and I were so young when we had our first child. But still, I have always had hopes and dreams for him. I hear some parents dreaming about their children becoming doctors or lawyers or “marrying into money,”, but  I never really hoped he would have a specific career or marry a certain person or even that he would have a certain financial status. My one true hope, is that he would follow Christ.

See, I knew that if he followed Christ, everything else would fall into place.

As the years go by, sometimes you find yourself thinking about the day that your child goes off to college or moves out…some parents are excited at the thought and some are sad.

I have always known that our children, really, are not even ours. They are God’s. But God has given us watch and responsibility over them for our time on earth. That is a really hard concept. 

You look at the child that is part of you, that you love more than anything else on earth, and wonder how, in the bigger scheme of things, they are not even yours. Mind Blowing.

I know from the time we had our first, until today, and probably forever, that my heart walks around outside of my body and goes wherever my children go…even if I am not always physically with them.

I think it is natural (at least to some parents) to want to hover over them and protect them from everything scary and bad and hurtful. But, our true place as a parent, is to help give them a heart for God, and teach them how to be responsible for themselves, so that they can live life without our constant presence one day.

You always know the day will come, that your child will go out into the great big and wide world on their own. ( Well, unless you have one of those failure to launch types J )

Sometimes it’s done with lots of planning and preparation, and sometimes it just happens all of a sudden, with no time to get used to the idea.

But, the closer that time comes, the more reality starts to set in, and the scarier it can become.

I’ll be honest. Thinking about my husband and I having “our own life” again, sounds exciting, but if you want to know the feels in my heart of hearts…I would have all four of our kids live with us forever and I would hover over them trying my best to protect them from anything ugly in this harsh world.

But then I have to take a deep breath and let God remind me of some things.

God has a plan for each of us, including each of our children. Hurts, trials, mistakes…they GROW us. If we don’t go through hard things, we don’t grow in Christ. We don’t find out just how reliable He is. The more things that come our way, the more we lean on God, the more we realize our desperate need for Him. So, if I hover over my kids, protecting them from the world, my honest side has to admit that I would be totally stepping in the way of allowing God to be the one helping them and walking them though a trial, and ultimately, growing them into the individual that He has planned.

He made plans for them before we Mothers ever even feel them kick and move from inside our body. He made plans for them long before the thought of surrogacy or adoption ever entered our minds.

Jeremiah 29:11 says this:

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope

A popular verse, so it’s easy to look over the power behind it.

But Dude. This verse is for US. For our CHILDREN. For our NEICES and NEPHEWS. And Grandbabies. For our friend struggling with addiction. For our friend going through divorce. For days when we are without a clue (which is pretty much every day for me)…He is always and constantly FOR US.

God is for us. He is SO FOR US. 

He loves our kids even more than we do, which is absolutely impossible to wrap our minds around, but we have to step out in faith and lay claim on that promise.

He is with our children, even we are not, even when we can’t be, even when we want to be but for all kinds of reasons we are not.

For years I have been praying for the future of my children…not just today and the troubles it brings, but for the future. I pray for their future spouses. It is so worth investing that prayer time in their future. If you haven’t started yet, it’s never too late.

I guess as our oldest is so close to turning 18 and being an “adult”, all this has been heavy on my mind and my heart.  His dad and I simply cannot make choices for him. We cannot go with him wherever he goes. We cannot protect him. A gut-wrenching truth.

Throughout the day, crazy thoughts about it all race through my mind. Will he make it? I know he will stumble, but will he get back up? Will he make it safely to the other side? 

But at night, when I lay my head down, peace washes over me as I pray. I know God knows my heart. He knows my desires and my deepest fear as a parent. He walks though it with me. He watched His one and only Son, sacrificed on a cross…but then He brought Him home. Now they are in Paradise, together. I know my son is also God’s child. I know He has the same plan for him. He may have some rough times on this earth, but in the end, He is going to get him home safely.

Father God, you know our hearts, as parents. You know how, as sinners, in need of your amazing grace, our faith waivers. We need you. We claim the promise you have laid, to watch over us and care for us and deliver us to safety. No matter what age, Lord God, we ask that you go with us and our children wherever this earthly life takes them. Guide them, protect them, grow them into who YOU have planned for them to be. Let them follow you always, God. Help them to know, that even in mistakes, even in sin, You are there to set them back on solid ground. You never forsake us. Fill us with peace. Take away the fear. Thank you that you are a capable God. Thank you that even when we fail to do right by you as parents, that your Grace overflows into our lives and our childrens’ lives. Thank you for your constant care. In your Hands, Father. Amen.

***Okay, done with deep thoughts for the day. My brain hurts.

PS. Just because this was such as serious post (as most of my blogs are…simply because I usually post when I’m in deep thought and in need of free therapy which comes through the movement of my fingers across the keyboard J I would like to add one lighthearted thing:

Blake took his first skinny-dip in our backyard yesterday. I have this conclusion…He is very prideful about the fact that he is a boy J

Go with him, Lord! Please help him not to be a nudist or a male stripper, Lord. Amen!