Do you know me? I’m ADHD.

Do you know me? I’m ADHD. Technically, I think I’m ADD.

     I used to be one of those people that thought ADHD was WAY over diagnosed. And it might be a little these days, but I am here to testify first-hand, it’s real. It goes along with every other disease, diagnoses, and issue that people have, unless you have it or deal with it on a personal level…you don’t get it.

I have a son that is ADHD to the fullest, and sweet Jesus, my patience has been poked, prodded, and tested to the extremes over the years.

ADHD is like a cloud that just stays with me…some days it’s lighter and some days it’s heaver…but it’s always there.

I used to not be open about this, but I have learned SO much from others that share their stories, that I think it’s only fair that I share a little of what I know.  

It is way too huge a subject to cover it all, but the point of this post, is to say that I live with ADD and ADHD every day of my life, it’s real, and it’s real hard.

I am used to being disorganized and forgetful and I am used to having my mind wander even though I have threatened it not to. I remember as a little girl in school, LONG before I knew what ADD was or that I had ADD, I remember giving myself pep talks before a lesson, “Ok, Katy, you are going to listen to the teacher. To every word she says, you will listen. You will NOT think about other things. You will not day dream. Focus, Katy, focus.”   And I can tell you that 9 times out of 10 the teacher would call on me and I would have NO clue what she had been talking about. I felt like a fool all the time. However, I was very well behaved, and the teachers still liked me. I also was smart and desired good grades, so if that meant going back over the lesson on my own later so I could stay caught up, then I did it. I just never understood WHY I couldn’t control my mind, why I couldn’t be more disciplined. Then, I got older and I found out I was ADD.  

Please don’t think that ADHD people are lazy or that they don’t care. Please don’t think that when they ask you to repeat yourself, they are not purposefully trying to be rude by not paying close enough attention. I am not hyper but my son is. Please don’t think that when you have asked them to sit still and they absolutely cannot resist movement, that they are trying to be difficult.

Fast forward several years, I now have a son with ADHD. I got my first inkling that he had it when a teacher told me, “When we sit on the carpet he just can’t sit still. He sits on his little hands and shudders trying not to move, but he just can’t hold it in.”  I don’t imagine anyone will ever feel what I felt in that moment. The helplessness I felt as a parent was and is overwhelming.

 I could go on and on and on about individual stories and situations with him, but it’s too much. Let’s just say that the decision to medicate your child is far from easy. It’s painful, It’s heart breaking. It’s a lot to think you need to give your child a pill each morning just for them to be “normal.” It’s not a choice you make and then move on from, it’s a battle that takes place every single morning when I open the medicine cabinet.

Getting the diagnosis, gives you a starting point, it gives you an understanding of “why”, but it still doesn’t “fix” your issues.

 I couldn’t tell you the number of times I have felt judged for making the choice to give him medicine and I couldn’t tell you the number of tears that have fallen over the struggle of it all…because both of those add up to far more than I could ever keep track of. I do wish that some of you would become more informed about ADHD/ADD, and if you don’t want to become more informed, then I wish you would at least become less judgmental. If you are a teacher, or in the education field, it is your JOB to be informed.  I hate to be so blunt, but quite frankly I have dealt with some true idiots at the schools. That being said, I have also dealt with some really caring individuals. No matter what, a parent is always their child’s best advocate. Parents, fight for what is right for your child. Never let anyone make you or your child feel stupid, unimportant, or little.

And how about trying to take care of an ADHD child, being an ADD parent? Complicated, trying, stressful, exhausting, overwhelming…the list goes on.

When I started school I decided to give medicine a try for my own ADD. Not an easy thing to put out there, but this is me. The verdict? Night and day. NIGHT AND DAY. My medicine was a low dose, and before without meds, I was so so scatter brained and forgetful no matter how much I despised being that way (although I have learned to cope with ADD over the years and am much more self-disciplined than I was years ago), but with the medicine…Wow. It was like “to do “ lists just popped up in my head when I tried the medicine…things that had been forgotten or put off…there, neatly organized on a list in my head. I describe my brain as being a system of cubbies…things are taken into my mind and according to their “subject” should go into a certain cubby. Before meds, it was like nothing ever made it into the right place, it was all just tossed on the floor into a big pile and when I needed something I just had to start digging. But, with the medicine, everything went into place, and was right where it should be when I needed it. The difference was huge. If you are ADD as an adult, and you are struggling, and have never tried medication for it, it’s worth it. I’m here to let you know that.

My best advice is to have a good support system. The school, the doctors, family, friends, etc. You don’t have to tell the world, but you have to have people you can trust and talk to about it. You have to have people you believe are on your side and are fighting for you (or your child). I know that I completely quit sharing with those that I felt were being judgmental about the issues we were dealing with. But, you just have to keep pushing forward until you find a solid place where you feel like “Ok, this person is going to be helpful, I can trust them.” And obviously, pray pray pray. God knows all about the struggle, He hears you, He gets you…He can help you handle it. Read…books, the internet, there is information everywhere. Get informed, you can’t battle for yourself or your child if you don’t have the knowledge.

And…if you are in a situation where you know someone who struggles with this, be a help, or get out of the way. Please don’t be a hindrance, please don’t add to the war that’s already raging in someone else’s life. Pray for them, become informed for them, encourage them.

When I am having a most terrible day, I find comfort in the fact that God has designed each and every one of us, according to His plan…not ours. I find comfort in the fact that even though living with ADHD/ADD isn’t easy, there is a reason for it. He didn’t design me or my children to sit uniformly in a classroom, all the same, all the time. We each have characteristics and talents and dreams that line up OH SO PERFECTLY with God’s most amazing plan for us. Praise God that even in these storms, even in these trials, He has it all worked out, down to the very last detail…even if one of those details is ADHD. J