I’ve been thinking lately…how do you know how many children to have? I mean, is it something that is really planned “for you”, or not? For instance, the Duggars having 19 children…do you think God intended for them to have that many, or is that how many They just decided to have? What about couples that can’t have any? Are they not meant to have children, or are they hand picked to adopt from all the beautiful, needy children in the world? This topic is not to offend anyone, by the way. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about a lot.
David and I have three kids. We talked about it, weighed our options, and after our third child, we decided we were done. David ended up having a vasectomy. I honestly wanted him to go that route, because I had, after all, carried and given birth to all three of our children. Also, I have several friends who have had tubals, and have all told me about various problems they have, ranging from mild to more serious. The vasectomy cost less, was less invasive, much less recovery involved, etc…so that’s the route we went. I definitely didn’t try to talk him into it, because if something did go wrong, I didn’t want it to be “my fault”, but we weighed all the pros and cons…and this was the result.
Isabel is 5 now and over the years David and I have talked about reversal, but ultimately neither of us want any more children at this time, so we haven’t gone any further than talking about it. I have expressed, that when Izzy was a little older, I would like to consider adoption. After my first two children, my body bounced back to normal (basically) inside and out. After Isabel, my body had a rough time, I dealt with things I never dealt with after having my other two kids. In my heart, I knew I never wanted to carry another child again...not that I didn’t love it carrying my children, just that my body is DONE. I also knew the option of adoption would still allow us for another child, if we so desired, and felt God was leading us there.
Right now, the economy is bad, money is tight, at least with most people I know. We closed on our house the day before I found out I was pregnant with Isabel, and it’s already cramped for space, and I couldn’t imagine bringing another child into this home. We simply, in no way, shape, or form, are ready for another child. I don’t know that I ever even want another child, it’s up in the air.
The fact is, though, we were never really “prepared” when we had our other children. Life just happens sometimes.
So, my point is, how do we know how many children are right for us? I know 19 is not right for us…neither is 2…but what is? Is it 3? Is that “our” number? And how do I know for sure? I can pray about it, but what if I pray about it and don’t feel led in a certain way? Does that mean stop at three…or does it mean go ahead and take in as many children as your able to? I’m not sure. So, this is something that has been heavy on my heart, and what better place to vent than my blog, it is cheaper than therapy, after all. :-)
Monday, February 15, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
A perfect verse for me...
In my devo this morning...
"A child is a gift to us from God and He cares even more about our child than we do."
Cast...all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
This has spoken to me today, and has me in DEEP thought...
PS. Still working on my story :-)
"A child is a gift to us from God and He cares even more about our child than we do."
Cast...all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
This has spoken to me today, and has me in DEEP thought...
PS. Still working on my story :-)
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Trusting
The Lord definitely works in mysterious ways. I have a story to tell, but need to work out the specifics...so this post will be short and sweet. Just a reminder to trust FULLY in HIM. Know that your plans, are NOT always His plans, He knows better than us. When you want what you want, it can be so hard to truly trust in the Lord, but every time I've pushed myself to do so, I've reaped great rewards. I know He knows my every need, my family's every need, and I hate when my faith falters. I'm trying to focus my prayer on asking the Lord to help me be more faithful, more trusting of Him. I know He has great things in store for those that do! :-)
Hope everyone has a magnificent day!
Hope everyone has a magnificent day!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Trying to remain faithful...
I've had a non-eventful day,really. I've spent a little of it eating breakfast with my husband, picking up the house (though not near enough), running a couple errands with my mom, and pondering life.
A sweet couple from our church, watched as their son earned his angel wings today. I don't know them well, but I'm a mom, so I can (at least begin to)imagine the heartbreak. As I think of encouraging words, I think of things like...how amazing that child didn't have to suffer the harshness of this Earth, but gets to live in Paradise with the King from almost the very beginning of his existence. How amazing that he didn't die while still in his mother's womb, but they did get the chance to meet, touch, hold, and love on their sweet son. I would want to encourage them, to rejoice that he's in Heaven, perfect and whole. That's what I want to feel like, that's what I want them to understand, as a Christian. But.
What if that was my child? My son? Mine and David's precious blessing? Would I feel that way? Would I be grateful for those few days to hold him, and love him? Would I be grateful the Lord took him so he wouldn't suffer? I haven't been through that, thankfully, so I can't say for sure. But, I have three children here on this Earth with me, and I can darn sure speculate. I don't think I would be thankful. I think I would be hurt, confused, and mad. I think I would wonder why I was allowed to let a child grow inside of me, bond with them though never having seen face to face, and then have to say goodbye only a few days after "meeting" him. I'm ashamed, because that's not being faithful, but I think I would be furious, and heartbroken...to the core. I would be the mom, so wouldn't I be entitled to that first coo, that first smile, first word, first step, first day of school, and all the many days after that a parent fills their heart with? Why would that have to be taken from me? I can imagine being bitter. Lord, forgive me.
As I think on it though, I know the Lord is good and gracious. I think he understands when our hearts our broken, and we get upset, and we get mad, and we question why things are the way they are. After all, didn't He watch His own Son suffer? How He must have longed to reach down and grab His baby boy, snatch him right away from those that meant him harm. But, He didn't. He let him suffer, for the rest of us, for me, for you.
I can't imagine what this family is feeling, or any other family that has lost a child. It's not right. It doesn't feel right. Thankfully, he will never have to suffer on this Earth, and yes, He is thankfully, most definitely in Paradise, and there is No better place to be...I believe that with all my heart. But, I pray that their faith sustains this precious family. On days they are missing him with every ounce of their being, I pray they are able to look to the Heavens and feel His holy arms around them, reassuring them that their baby is safe, healthy, and waiting for the day the are together again. Lord, I pray you will keep this family close, heal them, and hold them, God. I am so incredibly thankful I have never had to endure the loss of a child, yet so incredibly heartbroken for those that have.
But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God" Luke 18:16
A sweet couple from our church, watched as their son earned his angel wings today. I don't know them well, but I'm a mom, so I can (at least begin to)imagine the heartbreak. As I think of encouraging words, I think of things like...how amazing that child didn't have to suffer the harshness of this Earth, but gets to live in Paradise with the King from almost the very beginning of his existence. How amazing that he didn't die while still in his mother's womb, but they did get the chance to meet, touch, hold, and love on their sweet son. I would want to encourage them, to rejoice that he's in Heaven, perfect and whole. That's what I want to feel like, that's what I want them to understand, as a Christian. But.
What if that was my child? My son? Mine and David's precious blessing? Would I feel that way? Would I be grateful for those few days to hold him, and love him? Would I be grateful the Lord took him so he wouldn't suffer? I haven't been through that, thankfully, so I can't say for sure. But, I have three children here on this Earth with me, and I can darn sure speculate. I don't think I would be thankful. I think I would be hurt, confused, and mad. I think I would wonder why I was allowed to let a child grow inside of me, bond with them though never having seen face to face, and then have to say goodbye only a few days after "meeting" him. I'm ashamed, because that's not being faithful, but I think I would be furious, and heartbroken...to the core. I would be the mom, so wouldn't I be entitled to that first coo, that first smile, first word, first step, first day of school, and all the many days after that a parent fills their heart with? Why would that have to be taken from me? I can imagine being bitter. Lord, forgive me.
As I think on it though, I know the Lord is good and gracious. I think he understands when our hearts our broken, and we get upset, and we get mad, and we question why things are the way they are. After all, didn't He watch His own Son suffer? How He must have longed to reach down and grab His baby boy, snatch him right away from those that meant him harm. But, He didn't. He let him suffer, for the rest of us, for me, for you.
I can't imagine what this family is feeling, or any other family that has lost a child. It's not right. It doesn't feel right. Thankfully, he will never have to suffer on this Earth, and yes, He is thankfully, most definitely in Paradise, and there is No better place to be...I believe that with all my heart. But, I pray that their faith sustains this precious family. On days they are missing him with every ounce of their being, I pray they are able to look to the Heavens and feel His holy arms around them, reassuring them that their baby is safe, healthy, and waiting for the day the are together again. Lord, I pray you will keep this family close, heal them, and hold them, God. I am so incredibly thankful I have never had to endure the loss of a child, yet so incredibly heartbroken for those that have.
But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God" Luke 18:16
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Interceding
"Possibly the hardest part of praying for our children is waiting for our prayers to be answered. Sometimes the answers come quickly, but many times they do not. If your child has made poor choices, don't berate yourself and stop praying. Keep communication lines open with your child, continue interceding for him or her, and declare God's Word." from my devotional today...Love it.
I have prayed for almost as long as I can remember. Once I started having children, I started praying for them, too. "Lord, please keep my child safe and healthy, be with them constantly, help them know how much I love them, how much YOU love them, God, etc, etc, etc". That used to be my typical prayer. Then a few years ago I was introduced to a new concept. Not just praying for my kids future, but really praying for my kids future. Prayer for the present, the future, and for no ill effects from past events. Praying in detail, "Lord, keep my children free from ANY type of abuse every day of their lives, Lord, keep my child free from any addictions or peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, sex, tv, internet, etc, etc,. Help them to be accepted and help them to lovingly accept others. Lord, I pray for their future spouse, that they are Godly and able to follow Your will together in life." Those are just a FEW of the things I am now led to pray for my children for. I feel like I am giving them a head start in the battles they face on this Earth. It doesn't mean they won't face challenges, or make mistakes, or that they will turn out perfect. But, I am specifically using scripture and prayer to get a head start on these battles for them. I feel like it's one of the greatest things I can do for them as a parent. I may loose my patience some days, or not get to brush all the tangles out of Izzy's hair, some days Joseph's energy may spur me on to a mini meltdown, and Andrew's teen attitude may get the best of me, and some days, we may even have (gasp) ramen noodles for dinner. But, in the long run, even though I've got much room to improve as a parent, I know those things won't make or break them. I don't care if my children grow up to be janitors, as long as they delight in the Lord. I don't care if they live in a shack, if they are following the Lord. I don't care if they never get married, or decide to give the Duggars a run for their money, as long as they are living for the Lord. I desire for my children, that they accept the Lord as their Savior, and make good choices and decisions to follow Him, to worship Him. Sure, I will still get caught up in the day to day grades, sports, friends, chores, etc...but when I lay my head down at night on my (really awesome, I might add) pillow, and I pray and pour my heart out to Him on behalf of my babies, I know I'm giving them a better chance in life. I'm so thankful I have a living God, that hears me, that LISTENS to me, and cares for me and my heart, and that answers me and has a perfect will for me, and my children. It's so hard to grasp, but I have to remember these three, beautiful blessings in my life, really, aren't even mine at all, but are being lent to me & David by Him, to raise according to His will. Now, that's something to try and wrap your mind around. It does help me remember, though, that He has His children's best interest at heart...and then I am able to sleep a little better on my really awesome pillow.
I have prayed for almost as long as I can remember. Once I started having children, I started praying for them, too. "Lord, please keep my child safe and healthy, be with them constantly, help them know how much I love them, how much YOU love them, God, etc, etc, etc". That used to be my typical prayer. Then a few years ago I was introduced to a new concept. Not just praying for my kids future, but really praying for my kids future. Prayer for the present, the future, and for no ill effects from past events. Praying in detail, "Lord, keep my children free from ANY type of abuse every day of their lives, Lord, keep my child free from any addictions or peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, sex, tv, internet, etc, etc,. Help them to be accepted and help them to lovingly accept others. Lord, I pray for their future spouse, that they are Godly and able to follow Your will together in life." Those are just a FEW of the things I am now led to pray for my children for. I feel like I am giving them a head start in the battles they face on this Earth. It doesn't mean they won't face challenges, or make mistakes, or that they will turn out perfect. But, I am specifically using scripture and prayer to get a head start on these battles for them. I feel like it's one of the greatest things I can do for them as a parent. I may loose my patience some days, or not get to brush all the tangles out of Izzy's hair, some days Joseph's energy may spur me on to a mini meltdown, and Andrew's teen attitude may get the best of me, and some days, we may even have (gasp) ramen noodles for dinner. But, in the long run, even though I've got much room to improve as a parent, I know those things won't make or break them. I don't care if my children grow up to be janitors, as long as they delight in the Lord. I don't care if they live in a shack, if they are following the Lord. I don't care if they never get married, or decide to give the Duggars a run for their money, as long as they are living for the Lord. I desire for my children, that they accept the Lord as their Savior, and make good choices and decisions to follow Him, to worship Him. Sure, I will still get caught up in the day to day grades, sports, friends, chores, etc...but when I lay my head down at night on my (really awesome, I might add) pillow, and I pray and pour my heart out to Him on behalf of my babies, I know I'm giving them a better chance in life. I'm so thankful I have a living God, that hears me, that LISTENS to me, and cares for me and my heart, and that answers me and has a perfect will for me, and my children. It's so hard to grasp, but I have to remember these three, beautiful blessings in my life, really, aren't even mine at all, but are being lent to me & David by Him, to raise according to His will. Now, that's something to try and wrap your mind around. It does help me remember, though, that He has His children's best interest at heart...and then I am able to sleep a little better on my really awesome pillow.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
9 years ago today...
9 years ago today I was giving birth to a beautiful baby boy, my Joseph! After having Andrew who looked like his dad's twin, I was thrilled to have a little one that favored my side of the family. He was beautiful, pleasant, and perfect. Joseph has brought me many many days of happiness, and also challenges throughout these past nine years. A very special boy, who marches to the bit of a tad bit different drum. He is so smart and creative, a one of a kind. Though times are sometimes tough, I'm thankful for those times, because it forces me to open my mind and my heart and step out of my comfort zone. My heart has gone places with him that I never knew it could go, he has taken my love and desire to understand others to a whole new level. He has taught me to accept, not judge, those who are just a little different. And, while I'm still not perfect, it's because of him that I've come as far as I have. Thank you, Lord, for knowing just what you were doing when you placed this blessing, Joseph, into our lives, into my life. I know he is destined for greatness. I pray you will keep him close, protect him, guide him, comfort him, and bless him all the days of his life. Happy Birthday, boo!
"You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound" Psalm 4:7
"You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound" Psalm 4:7
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy New Year
Weather you eat black eyed peas, or hate them
Weather you make resolutions, or despise doing so
Weather your sitting at home, or celebrating it up
Weather you are right where you want to be, or just starting a new journey
I'm wishing you a Happy New Year, a blessed beyond measure 2010
This is God's Word on the subject: "As soon as Babylon's seventy years are up and not a day before, I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
Jeremiah 29:11
Weather you make resolutions, or despise doing so
Weather your sitting at home, or celebrating it up
Weather you are right where you want to be, or just starting a new journey
I'm wishing you a Happy New Year, a blessed beyond measure 2010
This is God's Word on the subject: "As soon as Babylon's seventy years are up and not a day before, I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
Jeremiah 29:11
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