Ok, same story, different day. I'm not sure when I will stop missing my grandmothers..."never" sounds like a pretty accurate guess, though. It astounds me as I imagine how much I miss them, then wonder about those who have lost parents, siblings, and even worse, (deep breath here) children. How can they EVER move forward? God bless them.
Anyway, in years past, we split our Thanksgivings (and every other holiday)...half the day at my Mamaws and half of it at my G-ma's. This last year or two I really don't even remember what we have done to celebrate, it's like we have all been stumbling along, trying to make sense of how to go on. Holidays are especially hard. Anyway, I know my grandmothers would want us to continue gathering and celebrating as a family, but, Lord, how we miss them. Everything flowed with them here, everything came together perfectly, the food, the decorations, the people, everything just...made sense. I am completely inept, I am not good at orchestrating a gathering...I can't cook like them, I can't plan with such ease and grace, I don't have the patience and easy going manner that they did. Either way, we must go forward. So, this year, Thanksgiving is at my house. Wow. Everyone will chip in and bring certain dishes (I could never do it all on my own), and my place is somewhat cramped, I hate cleaning. But, I feel led to do this. Even if our holidays can't be as graceful as when "they" were here, we will move forward, with the beautiful examples that have been set for us. We have something to help guide us, to set us in the right direction, something to work towards. Maybe one day, when I'm older and a bit gray, my grandchildren will speak the same words about me. I don't see it that way, but I hope for it. I am ever so thankful that I have/had those ladies as an example. Life was never promised to be easy, but He is always here with us, and He knows best.
So, I have two days to prepare. Yikes! Today I helped with a Thanksgiving feast at Isabel's school, and then at Joseph's. I saw all the children's faces...some I pictured a beautiful Thanksgiving day in their future...and some I wondered if they would have any family that cared about them on Thanksgiving, much less a Thanksgiving meal prepared for them. For some of them, today was it. My heart somewhat broke knowing that. So, all the pondering I've done today, again, has made me thankful for what I do have. I'm doing my best not to focus on what I don't have, but look for the positive things in our lives. My family may drive me crazy (and I them :-), I may not want to cook and clean...but, the fact is...I'm thankful I have a home to invite people to, and family that will come. I'm thankful I have health, and a more than capable body that I can clean and cook with. I'm thankful to have beautiful people from my past that have given me knowledge about which way to go. Thankful...and then some.
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