Feeling...

Tired. Stressed. Confused. Nauseated. Fat. Lost. Tearful. Upset. Sad. Mad. Energy-less (is that a word). Down. That's how I've been feeling.
I am ashamed of feeling that way, but yet I can't (or won't...or a mixture of both) change it. God has been whispering in my ear a LOT lately...to be thankful for exactly what I have in this life, exactly where I am in this life, and exactly who is in this life with me. No give and take, no ups and downs, no ifs ands or buts...he is encouraging me to be thankful for MY life EXACTLY as it is. It's like I hear Him (I do hear Him), but I won't fully let Him come in. This pregnancy has really thrown me for a loop, as if I wasn't already roaming this Earth without a clue. Why? Why? Why? I absolutely do love this life inside me, I do, but I'm just wondering why...and how we are going to do it. And...it's much easier for others to say and expect and encourage, than it is for me to actually do. But, I'm trying my best (ok, not really my best, but I am putting forth an effort) to muster the energy to tackle this commandment from Him full on. He wants me to be thankful we are cramped in this house, and that we are bringing a 6th person (a 4th child) to live here. Be thankful for being absolutely scared about this new Health care bill. Be thankful for the daily stresses and problems and trials I face. Be thankful I have a 2 day a week job that I complain about. Be thankful my kids know how to say "Mom" (even if it is 50 times a day). Actually, people, the list goes on and on and on.
So, honestly, the emotions and feeling listed in the beginning, will probably continue to ring true, but I am going to try and be thankful for them...along with a little more Hopeful. Trusting. Blessed. Loved. and Thankful, don't forget Thankful. Yup, that's how I'm feeling today.