Inadequate...

There are days when I am completely trusting in the plan God has for me. There are others, that I feel so lost and confused, wondering what is HE thinking? For example, I love my 4 children, and I see them as gifts, as blessings, and most(or maybe "some" would be more accurate than "most" here) days things go pretty smoothly. Other days, I wonder why, how, HE thought I could handle 4 kids. How I could handle 1 kid? Handle isn't the right word. It's not that I don't want them, or anything like that, so let's not even go there. But some days, all I can focus on are the ways I have failed them. God's word tells us no one is perfect, that we are all sinners, so...I know I'm not going to be the perfect Mom...but some days I fall so incredibly short that I just don't understand why He entrusted me with 4 children. To raise. To train. To teach. To lead. To be responsible for. Proverbs 22:6 says to Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is older, he will not turn from it. How do I know if I'm training them right? I mean, when it comes down to it, if I have taught them about God, and they believe in Him and that Jesus died for them, accept His as their Savior, and live for Him...then really, what else matters? In the long run, nothing. I get that. But, I expect them to have a long, healthy life here on Earth, and I want it to be a happy time for them. I want to teach them about responsibility, serving, working hard, caring for others, patience, humbleness, and priorities. I also need to be leading by example. It's one thing if they suffer for their mistakes, but I don't want them to suffer because of my mistakes, because I led them wrong. And I know that if we were given a report card on this stuff, a lot of days I would get a big, fat "F". My dream (I kid you not) is to be a Proverbs 31 woman. The problem, is that if you found the picture of the Proverb 31 woman's heart...it would not be anything like mine. What hurts the most, what saddens me the most, is that I know I am not reaching my full potential in being the Mommy He has planned for me to be. I don't want to be inadequate, I want to be good enough, I want to know I'm doing a decent job, I want to know I'm putting all the love and energy I have into being a good mother to the children He has lent me. I have SO much work to do, I don't even know where to start. So, today I fail...but I guess there is always hope for tomorrow :) And, we won't even get into how I feel about my shortcoming's as a wife...yikes.