Yay for Izzyboo

This past week, they gave out awards at Isabel's gymnastics class. She got a medal and 6 ribbons...she was THRILLED, to say the least, and we are so proud of her! She enjoys gymnastics so much, I'm praying once all this job stuff happens with David, that we are able to keep her in it, but I know there is a good possibility that we will not. So, I am already praying that things that we are used to and have to cut out, that it will not be hard for us to give up, but will instead, embrace the plans God has for us. Easier said than done, for sure. Anyway, for now we will just enjoy the blessings we do have, and try not to focus on the negative. God is good :-)

whirl of emotions...

I am in a total whirl of emotions right now. While I have been hearing the Lord tell me lately to accept my life just AS IT IS, and be happy with it, to be thankful for it, that has all been taken to a whole new level. Yesterday, my husband attended a meeting at work, that left him with uncertainty about his job. I didn't believe the words I was hearing at first, I knew they couldn't be true...we are about 5 1/2 months away from bringing a new life into this world...there's no way they could be laying off people at my husband's job, not with the dedicated 11 years he's had there. But, it actually is true. The past two days have been a whirl. I've gone from total fear and confusion, to total peace with being in the Lord's hands, and back again, many times already. I'm at a loss, I'm confused with what the Lord has planned for us, but also trusting and hopeful. I'm praying I don't get angry. I'm praying I don't. I'm praying I will do as His word says, and praise Him, as we go through even MORE trials than I thought we were having to go through. I'm not sure what He has in store for us, maybe a better life, maybe a harder life, maybe a richer life, maybe a poorer life. I'm just not sure. I know He loves me, and that's about it for now, so I'm trying to cling to that. We will not talk to our children until it is closer to time, I don't want them worrying about anything. My husband said he just "felt" everything was going to turn out good, he is such a comfort to me, and I'm so thankful for him. Lord, help me to continue to praise you through this storm.

Feeling...

Tired. Stressed. Confused. Nauseated. Fat. Lost. Tearful. Upset. Sad. Mad. Energy-less (is that a word). Down. That's how I've been feeling.
I am ashamed of feeling that way, but yet I can't (or won't...or a mixture of both) change it. God has been whispering in my ear a LOT lately...to be thankful for exactly what I have in this life, exactly where I am in this life, and exactly who is in this life with me. No give and take, no ups and downs, no ifs ands or buts...he is encouraging me to be thankful for MY life EXACTLY as it is. It's like I hear Him (I do hear Him), but I won't fully let Him come in. This pregnancy has really thrown me for a loop, as if I wasn't already roaming this Earth without a clue. Why? Why? Why? I absolutely do love this life inside me, I do, but I'm just wondering why...and how we are going to do it. And...it's much easier for others to say and expect and encourage, than it is for me to actually do. But, I'm trying my best (ok, not really my best, but I am putting forth an effort) to muster the energy to tackle this commandment from Him full on. He wants me to be thankful we are cramped in this house, and that we are bringing a 6th person (a 4th child) to live here. Be thankful for being absolutely scared about this new Health care bill. Be thankful for the daily stresses and problems and trials I face. Be thankful I have a 2 day a week job that I complain about. Be thankful my kids know how to say "Mom" (even if it is 50 times a day). Actually, people, the list goes on and on and on.
So, honestly, the emotions and feeling listed in the beginning, will probably continue to ring true, but I am going to try and be thankful for them...along with a little more Hopeful. Trusting. Blessed. Loved. and Thankful, don't forget Thankful. Yup, that's how I'm feeling today.

What's in a name?

Ok, so I have roughly 6 months to go in this pregnancy, plenty of time for names, but I'm searching and searching, and coming up with nothing! I have scoured the name book and the internet. The problem is that I'm picky and that David and I agree on nothing.

David picked Andrew's name. i planned on him going by "Drew", but it just never stuck. I wasn't that fond of the name, but I picked the middle name, Reed, which I know don't care for now (but loved then), and though Andrew isn't my favorite name ever, I love it on my son, couldn't imagine him going by anything else. His great grandfather in Mexico, had the name Andres, the Spanish form of his name. He was only around him a few times, but I feel like it connects him to that side of his family.

I picked Joseph's name. David's dad and brother (ok, let's face it, every Hispanic family has about 10 Jose's) are Jose' and I wasn't necessarily naming him after them, it just fit..ya know? My grandfather, who passed away when I was little (but was a cool guy), we called him Pappa Joe. His name wasn't Joseph, but again, it gave me that reminder, that connection.

We argue that we both picked Isabel's name. LOL. For months, while she was still in my belly, Isabel was going to be Olivia. But, Isabel just felt right. Isabel is David's moms name...plus I love the name, plus, I read it was a Spanish form of our Elizabeth, which is used alot on my mom's side of the family (my mom, grandmother, and great grandmother all have it in their names).

So, even though our kids all have, what I think, are traditional names, I didn't really pick them because of that. I don't think? I like them because even if they aren't directly named the same exact name of someone else, they still remind me, or give me the idea of that person. Plus, I like that there are "Spanish forms" of their name. When we go to Mexico, family usually call them, Andres, Jose, and Isabel. I tend to like more true Spanish names, David does not. I love names like Pablo and Paloma, David hates them. My family hates them, they say, (jokingly) "Move to Mexico if you are going to name your kid that!" I feel like since the other three have somewhat traditional names, I can't just go off the cliff with something crazy, it would just be odd for me. There are a select FEW girl names I have come across that I like, and NO boy names. Well, the couple I did like, David nixed REALLY quickly.

Plus, when it comes to names, EVERYONE has an opinion, so I'm thinking if I find a name David and I truly like, we may keep it to ourselves until the baby gets here. That way, you may not like it, but once the name is chosen people aren't usually so negative. Although, I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to do that. I didn't want to find out the gender of the baby, but David has pretty much talked me into it by pulling the, "We won't know what kind of things/colors to buy". See, ladies? It's the shopping thing...gets a girl every time. I don't have a preference on the gender, for once, so, I thought it would be neat to be surprised when I give birth to it. However, I guess whenever I find out, regardless, it will be a surprise.
So, I'm off to scour just a little more, see if I can come up with a few more name combinations.

That way, you know, David can nix them and we can start all over again.

This past week, someone said something that offended me. I know, shocker, right? The thing is, people rarely say stuff that is offensive to me (well, at least that is directed towards me), and in the rare instance that it happens, I'm the type that knows my blessed lot in this life and can pretty easily just ignore it. However, I have this thing going on that adds fuel to my fire...pregnancy hormones. Yea, those.

Anyway, I can honestly say I don't think it would have really bothered me if I wasn't so emotional right now. But, I am, and it did, and I was really upset. Really ticked. As a Christian, I knew I should just pray for the person (and I did) and move on. But, as a hormonal woman, I didn't do so well with that. I thought of several incredibly tacky (yet very true) things to say to this person. As I thought about what I would say, I could feel myself grow with pride thinking, "Ha! That will shut her up for sure"! Then, a feeling of guilt would wash over me, ashamed that I was even thinking of saying those things. I would do dishes, and find myself thinking of something to say back, then realize God doesn't want me thinking, feeling, or acting this way, and I'd move on. Then, I'd be doing laundry, surfing the net, driving to pick up the kids, whatever...and the same thing would happen. It happened several times yesterday, and even once this morning. The tacky thoughts just kept coming back. I knew better than to actually say them, but it's like I couldn't stop myself from thinking it. I thought to myself, "Is the Lord upset with me? He can't be upset with me. I mean, I didn't actually say any of it, and there wasn't any profanity involved with what I wanted to say, and hey, it was even all true stuff, I wasn't making any of it up."

But I know that an offense made in the heart, is an offense all the same.

And, even though that person did say something "not nice", I know they are not where I am in my walk with the Lord (not that I don't have a long way to go), I know they were probably just venting out of frustration with their own life. I'm really ashamed I didn't do MORE praying, and less negative thinking. But, I'm going to take it as a personal lesson from the Lord. Yet another area my life needs molding by Him. Lord, help me to grow and please you in this area of my life.

My life has been a true roller coaster lately (insert pregnancy hormones, yet again) and I'm incredibly thankful I have Him to cling to...

Spilling the frijoles...

So, I was going to do a whole creative thing on my blog to spill the beans, or frijoles, that I was pregnant. But, since not too many people read, I decided to just blog about how I shared it with my family. David wanted to get Izzy a shirt that said, "Big Sister" and see who noticed first. But, I'm a procrastinator...and didn't get one done in time. So, this past Friday we cooked out at our house, and after everyone ate, we sat them all down and told them we had something to share. I have to admit, they all looked a little freaked out. I wrote the news in bits and pieces on Post-it notes, and gave everyone one to read, but they couldn't open the note until it was their turn. I have pics of the note, but so sad I didn't take pictures of their faces...it was priceless. However, my thought process wasn't really in tune, as I was trying my darnedest not to break down in tears.





After they read the last one, they all just started at us. No one said anything, but I know they were all thinking, "But David had a vasectomy"??? So, to ease the "discomfort", I blurted out, "The vasectomy failed"!!! Everyone sat, in shock, for a couple of minutes. But, soon to follow, were smiles, hugs, and congrats. It was sweet. Everyone truly seemed thrilled, as have most people I've talked to since then. The shock is still here, with David and I, because we thought we had made permanent plans to NOT have anymore children. But, the shock is less and starting to wear off, and happiness and accepting the Lord's blessings is starting to take it's place. We know God has a special plan for us, for this baby, this new life that David and I have helped create. We are thankful He knows better than we. So, we are busy gearing up for the ride, one we never thought we'd be on again. Gearing up to be a family of 6! And, ever so thankful God is on the ride with us, or better yet, that he is in control and running the ride. Good times!