I wish

I wish...
I didn't have a headache
My house would clean itself
I could eat all the goodies I wanted without worrying about weight gain, or health
I was more of who Jesus wants me to be

I wish...
Gas wasn't so expensive
Cell phone (bills) weren't so expensive
That EVERYTHING wasn't so expensive
And that I was better at being frugal

I wish...
I never had to worry about my children ever being hurt by others
My children would never have to face trials and suffer consequences
I was more faithful and more trusting in God's plan for me and my family
And that I could just let things go and know God is better at handling things than I am

I wish...
Some people weren't so mean and selfish
That people (including myself) were quicker to help others and slower to judge
That we could get the other side of our fence replaced to match the new side, sometime soon

I wish...
That my hubs wasn't at work tonight
That I was closer to getting my college degree than I am
That I was ADD

I wish...
I could sit and share conversation and coffee with both of my grandmothers who have passed, just one more time
There was no hunger, sickness, or abuse in this world, in this life
That I could sing...as in had a good voice

I wish...
I was on a tropical vacation with my family
That when we got done with our tropical vacation, we would get to go on a ski vacation
Everyone had someone to love them
That life was easier


I know, I probably am not allowed that many wished. But, Those are my wishes, for today, for now...I'll let you know if anything changes... :)

Landslide

Fleetwood Mac's lyrics from Landslide keep running through my head lately...

"...And can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Oh oh I don't know, oh I don't know..."

I know, it should be God's word running through my mind, and it is, but so is Fleetwood Mac. Just sayin'.

My husband will be jobless after his company shuts it's doors in a couple months. He wants to try to go into business for himself. I'm scared, but I want to support him. He is SUCH a hard worker and has always provided well for our family. I have NO DOUBT that if it doesn't work out, he will do what he needs to do to "fix it".
We are both contemplating going back to school. I'm scared about that, too. It just seems like change after change. I know. God doesn't want us to get to comfortable with life here on Earth, because 1)It's not our home and 2)It makes us draw nearer to Him.

I have no idea what our future holds. Well, I know that our future FUTURE is Heaven. And, really, I guess that's all I need to know. I can't promise I won't have a few breakdowns or freak-out's, but at the end of every day, when I lay my head on my (comfy, I might add) pillow...I know my Father has me, has us, in the palm of His gracious, protective hand. So, I'm just going to have to be ok with not knowing where we are headed at this moment.

In the book of Matthew God calls us ...
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

God is telling me not to worry. He also tells me not to store up treasures...which should be pretty easy to adhere to if my hubby doesn't have a job :) Kidding! Kidding! Seriously, I love the Lord. I will try not to worry and trust in Him alone. I will also take comfort that He knows my sad, pitiful, human heart...and that He will still love me and care for me (and my family) on the days when I fail miserably.

Can I handle the changes of my life? I honestly don't know, but I think I can. I know God will take me farther than Fleetwood Mac, though. Just sayin :)

I miss you...

August 6th marked 3 years that my Mamaw has been gone from this Earth. I can't say I miss her any less. I would say I still think about her every single day. There are VERY few things I wouldn't give to have one more day with her. Both of my grandmothers were very special ladies. My Gma will have been gone 4 years this September. Two precious ladies that I have had with me my whole life, then they left me just less than a year a part of each other. Oh, I am sure they are in Heaven. And, I am sure they have no desire to be back here with me. But I can be a bit selfish. I would love to have a cup of coffee with them. Get my Gma a glass of water or help her set up for a Bridge party. I'd even sneak her a cigarette that she wasn't supposed to have, right about now. I'd love to be in the kitchen, cooking with my Mamaw. I'd love to be sitting beside either of them, holding their hand. Their hands were so soft. My heart hurts that Blake will have never met them.
These days I don't cry near as often, and when I do have a break down, I'm able to "buck up" and get over it much more quickly. As time goes by, you do learn to cope much better, but your heart doesn't miss them any less. It just doesn't.
To say I hate cancer, would be a gross understatement. Though, I know everyone dies, everyone has a time they must leave Earth...and I guess if it wasn't cancer, it would have been something else. I hate it just the same.
I know they aren't missing anything in Heaven, I know they lack nothing in the presence of Him. But, my love for them is so strong and big, I think it must overflow from my heart sometimes. I hope that love isn't out there floating around, but flying right up to Heaven, to where they are.

I love and miss you, my sweet Mamaw and my precious Gma.
I know you have peace on every side...and all is well.
Hugs to you in Heaven, from here on Earth...
Katy

My week, in review

I think I will work my way backwards.
Yesterday was a doozy. Isabel finished Kindergarten back in May. She passed everything, but she still seemed immature compared to most of the kids her age, so I felt like the best thing to do was have her do another year of Kinder. It would give her another year to mature, grow, learn, etc, before going into first. I felt good about the decision, until this past week. This past week it has been heavy on my heart that I shouldn't be holding her back. Did I pray? Yes! As much and as focused as I should without letting my own wants/needs get in the way? Doubtful.My boys have always done great in school, and they say girls mature faster than boys, so I am personally struggling with the fact that my daughter is struggling. Anyway, in short, a series of events happened that made me realized it was better for her to go on to first. I feel SO much better having made this decision, but up until late yesterday morning when I made that choice, I was literally sick at my stomach. It put my whole day off keel, and I was on edge about EVERYTHING yesterday.

I also know some people going through some very tough times, and I don't want to mention specifics because people who may read this know those people and, well, you know how sticky that kind of stuff can be. But, still, my mind has just been SO weighed down. I feel better today though, for the most part. I read another blog a while back about a family going through a struggle...their child has cancer. The Mom talked about how she longed for those normal days of chasing kids, worrying about bills, what to cook for dinner and a messy house. She said she never realized what a blessing it was to ONLY have those worries. So, I am trying to refresh my outlook on life. I know I'm blessed, but some days it's so easy to forget just how much so.

I managed to somehow clean my boys' room. Let me just say...UGH. Now, I know what some of you are thinking, "Aren't those boys old enough to clean their own room?" To answer, yes they are. Most of time, I have them do so. But the way they clean just wasn't sufficient this time. Don't judge me. I wanted it to be CLEAN. Everything in it's place. And I worked my bootay off in that room and got it done. Let me say, they are doing a pretty decent job of keeping it picked up, too :)

Over the weekend my family just kind of hung out while Big Daddy had to work for most of it. He is such a good provider for our family and I am so thankful for him. Last Friday I went to a friends and watched her and another sweet friend decorate cookies. I tried my hand at it, also. It wasn't beautiful, but I have hope for the future :) It was also fun to hang out with grown up women, and the time ended too quickly! I also made "My Prize Orange Cookies". This is a cookie recipe that my great grandmother used to make for me when I was little. They are the. best. cookie. ever. I'm ashamed to say how the recipe makes, because it is a TON, and each and every one are gone. And believe me, I had my part in that. I only make them a couple times a year because it's quite a production. But, when I do, I miss my Mamaw so much because it's though my great grandmother made them for me years ago, after she passed away and I got a little older, my Mamaw and I started making them together. I've blogged it before and I'll blog it again...my Mamaw was the best cook ever. Best cook AND baker. What I wouldn't give for a phone call from Heaven from her RIGHT NOW.

OH! I forgot to add in there that we also went school supply shopping a couple days ago. I think it gets more and more expensive each year. Then again, it doesn't help that we have three kids in school. We still have some stuff to get, but for the most part, it's done. And it feels fabulous because I usually wait until the last minute!
So, basically, my week can be summed up like this: Stress, Cookies, and the reminder to be thankful for my daily struggles...Yes, thankful for my struggles!