So, I've been slacking on my posts. I haven't yet blogged about specific bday details for Blake and Andrew, or posted pics, but that will have to wait (FYI: It all went SPLENDIDLY). My heart is somewhere else tonight.
The Anniversary of 9/11. A child dying of Cancer. A friend's baby undergoing open heart surgery. Another precious friend's infant son hospitalized. A family member finding out they have Breast Cancer. A child in our town being hit and almost killed while riding his bike. A relatives step daughter being diagnosed with a disease that could destroy her liver. My great aunt being hospitalized. My family all being incredibly sick with a stomach bug at the same time (though pale in comparison to all the other stuff).
These are just the things I can remember off the top of my head that happened in the time frame of about the last month.
I feel like all around me, a storm is brewing. I can feel the heavy winds and rain, but it hasn't totally swept me up and carried me away, yet I feel like it could at any moment.
There are such scary and heartbreaking things going on in the world around me.
I start to get overwhelmed, and then I start talking myself down from the ledge.
"Ok, Katy, the very worst thing that could happen, is that you could die. If you die, then you are Heaven-bound, and that is good...no, that is Great. So, really, the worst thing that could happen, is good. So, no matter what, everything will be ok"
Yes, this is really my logic. Yes, really.
It may sound crazy, but it actually makes sense. I believe in God's promise of Eternity. I know this life is full of suffering, trials, and constant change...this is all so we will lean on Him. So we will draw near to Him. I get that. I do. But life on Earth is hard, and scary, and we are just human.
I remind myself that in our weakness, He is made perfect. When I am scared, He is perfect. When I feel alone, He is perfect. When I am unsure, He is perfect. When I am desperate and crying out, He is perfect. He is more than capable to handle anything that comes our way. That is such a comfort to my heart.
I guess my point here, is that there are so many sad things happening around me, and truthfully, I don't want to be next. Then again, who does? I mean, I am constantly going through trials, but I just don't want "something big" to come my way. I don't want to suffer. But I know if anything like that happens, He has got my back.
I want to be thankful for adversity, for through it I am blessed. I am made stronger, my character is built.
Thank you, Jesus, for stressful days with my kids...it means I have my children here with me.
Thank you, Jesus, for a mortgage and utility bills and a car payment...it shows I have a roof over my family's head with heat and running water...and a vehicle to get us to school, work, doctor appts, the grocery store, etc.
Thank you, Jesus, that I miss my husband and feel lonely at night...He has a job and is able to provide for us.
Thank you, Jesus, for homework deadlines...I am able to go back to school to try and better myself.
Thank you, Jesus, for disagreements with friends, siblings, and parents...it means we are comfortable enough with each other to speak our minds, even if it gets a little heated at times, and we are able to forgive each other and start again.
Thank you, Jesus, for discomforts and hurts and struggles...they bring me closer to you...and there is absolutely no place I'd rather be.
